I saw this on a Facebook post the other day: “You don’t become cooler with age but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way of being cool. It’s called the geezer paradox.”
I liked the sentiment. Mostly because the people I classify as “cool,” whatever that means, don’t seem to be trying to be cool. They just are. And this “geezer paradox” thing seems to associate being cool with getting older, which is accompanied, according to the post, by a growing lack of attention to the whole idea of coolness. “Cool,” I thought.
I didn’t know where the idea of the “geezer paradox” originated. So I tried to track down the origin of the quote. I failed. It’s been used countless times on social media. In fact I found it hard to believe I hadn’t run across it before. I looked at the various posts on Facebook, and the accounts of those who’d used the term. But they’d all more or less copied from someone else’s post. Then I tracked down where and when it was used on the internet outside of Facebook. That’s an hour of my life I’ll never get back. The earliest reference I found to the term “geezer paradox” was in 2001. In a couple of the posts I found an attribution, and the attribution was then copied and recopied in later posts on Reddit and other social media conversations. But I never did find the original.
So if the originator of the term “geezer paradox” reads this post, I apologize for using your words without attribution. I tried my best. I will say that I waded through countless posts, some preachy, some angry, many swear-y, most written by older, potentially geezer, dudes debating the definition of cool, all stridently denying that they themselves worry about being cool. Many of them decidedly uncool themselves, so I guess it’s good that they don’t worry about it.
Still, who am I to pretend to be the arbiter of coolness? Says the blogger who then embarks upon a discussion of coolness. Ha.
source
This photo of Christopher Walken, above, is from the Saint Laurent Fall 2025 Menswear advertising campaign. Walken at 82 is certainly a geezer. And I don’t know anyone who would dispute the fact that he is cool.
I think it’s interesting that the term “geezer” is usually applied to men. Certainly in the UK it is often used simply to refer to a man, a bloke, and seems to have nothing to do with age. But over here in North America it is most commonly used to refer to old men. There is lots of discussion of its origin on sites like this and this. But I don’t see why we cannot make it a non-gender-specific term. Let’s just assume that it’s non-gender-specific, okay?
source
In which case, Charlotte Rampling, above, is definitely a female geezer. She turned 79 in February. And she is most definitely cool.
Of course the term “cool” is a subjective one, depending on who is talking. Or in this case writing. But to me coolness is derived from one’s attitude, and one’s level of confidence. As well as a clear sense of self. Naturally, it’s hard to know whether the person we think of as cool actually does have a clear sense of self, or whether they just give off that kind of energy. Maybe we never really know if someone is truly cool until they get old. Until we see how they confront aging.
I have admired Charlotte Rampling, her style, and her confident sense of self for years now. She doesn’t seem to care a fig for the beauty norms of society. Although she is beautiful and chic, and always has been. And it seems that she’s not afraid of just being herself. As she tells Tom Ellen in his 2022 article for The Standard, it’s not as if she didn’t have her demons, her life challenges, it’s just that she learned who she was and what she wanted at a young age. Perhaps Rampling doesn’t fit the “geezer paradox.” Maybe she never worried about being cool even when she was younger. She just was.
source
I think our new Prime Minister’s wife, Diana Fox-Carney, is cool. She’s not a geezer yet. At 59, I think she’s too young. But I do think she’s cool. She appears to be just herself. Friendly, down-to-earth, very smart, and very fit. With a distinguished career of her own, which is as it should be. And at the risk of sounding as if I’m judging her on her looks, I like her style. In fact I have a bit of a crush on both of them. As a couple. I love that they met while they were both playing hockey at Oxford University. Two hockey players, what could be more perfect for Canada’s most high-profile couple?
I think that Alyson Walsh, below, is cool. At 61 she just barely qualifies as a geezer. Hopefully she won’t mind my calling her a geezer. I’ve been reading Alyson’s blog That’s Not My Age for over a decade. Her blog and her writing about what she calls “grown-up style” was part of the reason I started my own blog. I wanted to be part of the grown-up conversation about fashion. I’ve always thought that Alyson epitomizes cool. She embraces her own style and her age on her own terms, not accepting what society and fashion prognosticators say about age and its relationship to style.
source
One of the articles I read while I was digging into the whole geezer paradox thing on the internet was a charming piece written back in 2022 by Jeremy Barnes. You can read it here if you’re interested. Barnes confesses that even though he is a geezer he is NOT cool: “Even as I enter geezerdom I’m still not in any way cool but I appreciate the idea behind [the geezer paradox] because as hard as it may be to believe, I used to be even less cool.”
But, Barnes says, his eleven-year-old daughter IS cool. Since she was five, he says, when he and his wife let her dress herself, she has exhibited her own style. And she appears to be oblivious to the taunts of other kids about the way she looks. Barnes says he totally supports her desire to just be herself. And he hopes she can “hold onto the geezer’s mindset” as long as possible.
I loved his idea of the “geezer’s mindset.” That maybe some of us don’t have to wait until we are old to care little for whether we are cool or not. Thus making us actually cool.
You know, being cool and not worrying about whether you are cool, or whether other people think you are cool, doesn’t mean you don’t care about how you look. It just means that you judge how you look and how you choose to look by your own standards.
Most of the people I classify as cool are also chic. They care about how they look. They dress well, according to their own standards and taste, with panache, and an insouciance that comes with confidence and a strong sense of self. Like Charlotte Rampling. Like Alyson Walsh.
Like my friend Frances Sprout, who publishes Materfamilias Writes on Substack. I love Frances’ sense of style. It’s not my style, but it suits her so perfectly. And it’s very hard to describe: part academic bluestocking, part woman who walks about town and needs to be comfortable, part quirky natural fibre toss on a scarf and look amazing, part totally current, part vintage-y. 100% Frances.
I am not and I never have been cool. I care too much what other people think. I know that.
I’m trying to let go of the “weight of other people’s expectations,” as they say. But it’s a hard habit to break. Funnily enough, and you may be surprised by this, I’m not talking about how I dress. I’m pretty confident about that. What I wear has to measure up to what I think. And what I want. Other people’s opinions of what I wear doesn’t make much of a difference to me. Not usually, anyway.
In everything else I am too much of a people-pleaser. Or a worrier that people are not pleased.
But I’m working on that. As I move deeper into “geezerdom,” as Jeremy Barnes says, I’m channelling my inner Charlotte Rampling and trying to grow my insouciance. Ha.
Now, before I go I have a story I want to tell you.
One day when I was still teaching, just before the bell at the end of the school day, my grade nine class of mostly boys was crowding around the classroom door, waiting to be released. Sometimes grade nine boys can be like untrained puppy dogs. And I say that lovingly. They began to push and shove, and then one boy punched another in the arm. “There will be no fisticuffs in my class,” I bellowed impatiently.
They all stopped talking and turned to look at me quizzically. “What did you say, Miss?” one boy asked. “Fisti what?”
“Jaysus,” I thought to myself. “Where the hell did that come from?” I’d never used that word in my life.
I explained the term fisticuffs. They all nodded. “Cool,” one boy said.
And for the rest of the semester, every day as they waited to be let loose by the bell, one of them made a crack about “no fisticuffs.” Then whoever said it would grin at me cheekily.
That story always makes me smile.
Fisticuffs. Such a cool word, though, don’t you think?
And so, it’s your turn to tell us a story, friends. What makes someone cool in your eyes? Do you care less about being cool as you age?
74 thoughts on “The Geezer Paradox”
Oh my goodness, Sue!! Did you just call me “cool” in a post about cool geezers and “the geezer paradox” . . . and the other exemplars are Charlotte Rampling, Christopher Walken, Alyson Walsh (with whom I once had dinner in London and you are right: not old enough to be a geezer, but very cool already!), Diana Fox-Carney and her husband, Mark (see what I did there? and somehow, he’s so cool it’s easy to imagine he wouldn’t mind, ’cause he knows he has a very cool wife)?
Made my day, my week, and probably my year! Thank you!
And I suspect you have many, many former students who remember you as a very cool teacher — and “fisticuffs” Whew! That’s next-level cool!
I love the Carneys as a couple. And you and Paul as a couple are very cool too. 🙂 Have a great visit to “the island.” xox
I agree with you that Diana Fox Carney is very cool. At first I did not appreciate her choice of clothes and wondered if she could be called anywhere near stylish. But I realized that she dresses to suit herself and doesn’t give a hoot what we think. That to me makes her very cool. On one official event she was wearing a green coat over a dress and at first I thought “well that doesn’t match!” She wore it with such confidence that to my mind made it “cool”.
Great blog, Sue, thankyou.
I saw a photo of them getting off one plane or the other in Europe recently and she had on loose, cream, wide-leg pants and a very cool short, grey, belted casual-ish jacket. And I thought… I’d wear that in a minute. That doesn’t happen very often what with all the matching coats and dresses one sees on female public figures.
Such a fun read! I definitely care less about what other people think of me than I did when I was younger, but I don’t think I’ve quite achieved insouciance yet and I’m not sure I’ll ever reach cool.
Thanks, Elaine. 🙂
Wow Christopher Walker is the epitome of Cool.
Have you seen him dance? Check it out. Thanks for the interesting post. Just turning 77 and I love not caring what one may think of my style as I once did in my youth. It’s all Mine!
I have seen him dance several times in the past few years. You are right…the epitome of cool.
Really interesting & the geezer paradox is appealing . I guess we all have a very personal view of what & who is cool . Taken to its extreme , coolness can be selfish & uncaring . Can you still be cool if you care & worry about things too much – including your appearance ? My husband would be perfectly happy permanently wearing his old gardening clothes – cool I think ( but I do fight this ) I believe the word geezer originated from the cockney language used in a certain part of London to describe someone roguish , a guiser ? Not very complimentary but it seems to have mellowed over time .
PS In our current heatwave of over 30 degrees I’m longing to be cool .
I agree, Wendy. I was thinking after I published that some people who think they are cool are not very nice. And I thought I should go back and add that kindness should be one of the criteria. I think you can care about things, including your appearance, and still be cool if you follow your instincts and not worry what others think about either your actions or how you look.
I read that geezer is supposed to come from “guiser”… as in someone who wears a disguise. I thought that was interesting with respect to the plethora of women who hide their age behind plastic surgery. To me someone who can’t bear to look their age cannot really be cool. And I don’t actually buy into the most common reply to that about how we shouldn’t criticize women who get their faces renewed because of all the pressure from society to remain young. Maybe some of these rich and powerful women need to take a step back and worry about the message they are sending to young girls and women instead of how they themselves look. Okay… I’ll step down off my soapbox now. 🙂
I’m right with you on that soapbox
I’m up on the soap box too. I live in an affluent Connecticut town and all the “anti-aging” folderol is overwhelming.
At age 85, I’m an official geezer…I may be the oldest one in these comments. I love fashion but am not a slave to trends. I don’t buy green bananas and I don’t buy many clothes. How many can one geezer wear?
I love all your posts…this one ranks up near the top!!
Given that widespread facial tweaking is still comparatively in its infancy, I expect to see some very strange faces atop aged bodies in the coming years. Surely the real problem is a society that demands women look young, and a whole industry which has sprung up to profit from this. Oh…and being told that we must not criticise. Frankly, I’ll be the judge of that.
I do think that the essence of cool is not caring terrifically about the opinion of others and perhaps that is why cool people are not usually shown smiling. Nor do they follow trends. A quiet self-confidence. And yes, your PM and his wife are definitely cool – I think intelligence has a lot to do with it and they exude that. Re interesting turns of phrase…some years back, sitting quietly marking books in some work down-time, one of the children from the very young end of school came barrelling noisily down the corridor, only to be stopped by his teacher who asked him, very pointedly: what is this tomfoolery? I maintained my very serious face right until they had both left when I permitted myself a proper snigger.
I used to love to throw new words into my sentences when talking to kids. Just to see if they would ask what they meant. Fisticuffs, however, was totally accidental and took me by surprise. 🙂
Your definition of cool is also mine. For me it hits it exactly.
During my youth I never was cool in spite I was rather a loner with only few but really good friends.
The older I become the cooler I get. I had my 70th birthday in January.
And I like the Canadian first couple.
And your playing with words is interesting for me as an Austrian with English as a second language.
I’ve never cared what other people think of what I’m wearing, as I dress to suit myself. My only caveat is that it should be appropriate (for the occasion) and comfortable. That’s become even more important now I’m retired and on a more limited budget. I’ve had many compliments about what I wear, but then I give a lot of thought to what goes into my wardrobe. Mostly. Sometimes I impulse buy, and often regret it – still. 🙄
As for being cool. Nope, never, no chance. I’m what was always referred to as a “classic” dresser. Still am.
Personally I think you’re cool in the way you dress. 😉
Thanks, Fiona. I don’t get as many compliments on my clothes as I used to do when I was teaching. I think the kids understood better than the adults how much goes into making an outfit that we like. I love it when I visit my fav vintage store and the girls who work there comment on what I’m wearing. That’s because I know it’s coming from someone who really knows fashion.
A really fun read! I agree with all your examples and I’d throw you in as well!🤭
Just to name drop (!) I met Frances and Paul in Rome and they totally fit my criteria of being cool…not worrying about whether they are cool, or whether other people think that they’re cool, they choose how they look by their own standards.
Thanks Genevieve! We so enjoyed that visit and I think the simple fact of meeting in Rome (and especially you two, after your long trek on the Via Francigena), after meeting in cyberspace (from different hemispheres) made us all very cool, for the moment, at least 😉 Although we got no coolness help from the weather in Rome that day!
Thanks Genevieve. How lovely that you met Frances and Paul in Rome. They are both cool, although I’ve only met Frances in person.
Oops, one more thing. Fisticuffs and argy-bargy are terms we used quite frequently in school contexts, as in ‘cut out the fisticuffs.’
It does make me chuckle thinking about it now!
Stu is cool
He is. I’ll pass that along. I don’t know anyone who is less bothered by the expectations of others. That used to drive my mum nuts. He’d just grin.
Fisticuffs, argy-bargy, tomfoolery, what a lovely collection of old-fashioned words. I would add monkeyshines to this list. My father, who loved words, used it frequently in reference to his progeny’s activities. He was quite the geezer himself.
Monkeyshines…. I think I read that in British novels. What a great word.
I can see that people generally evolve to worry less about what other people think about their personal style as they get older.
I don’t know that I have a clear definition of “cool,” but it probably wouldn’t have much to do with style. I’d define it as being true to oneself and not seeking approval from others, or showing off out of insecurity. It would closely approximate confident autonomy, but I wouldn’t ascribe that quality to someone I don’t know well in real life. Underpinning the autonomy would have to be decency and caring, a sense of justice, as well as general competence.
At least on the surface, our PM and his wife appear to exude these qualities. I liked that someone overheard DFC saying to King Charles when he visited that she would hold her husband to his ambitious agenda.
The NYT published an article on what defines “cool” or an “it” quality on June 30, detailing the results of an international study of what characteristics people align with “cool” rather than what they described as merely “good.” The qualities included the following: extroverted, hedonistic, powerful, adventurous, open and autonomous. You can see how people would gather these qualities as indicative of cool in a movie or rock star sense, and their sample skewed young. I like “adventurous, open and autonomous,” perhaps, but the rest not as much. (Apparently “good” depicted someone more conformist and comforting, etc., which was disappointing to me!)
I’ve never thought of myself as “cool,” simply because I’m too neurotic for that. I do like that as I’ve gotten older I’ve become even more settled in who I am and in living consistently in line with the qualities I value (principled, reliable, open and creative). The only girl I ever thought was “cool” when I was in high school was a girl who was clearly confident and popular, well-dressed and intelligent, but also kind and approachable. I wasn’t popular, and life was rather tough for me in high school because my dad was ill, but when I asked her questions (about clothes or activities) she was always open and kind and helped me. That always stayed with me and when I think of “cool” it’s that young woman who comes to mind.
Some of the articles/discussions about being cool that I waded through were so adolescent, equating cool with bravado, and doing stupid and dangerous stunts. Sigh.
I remember ast the beginning of the semester I always asked grade nines who their heroes were, and after the kids had identified people they admired, we’d try to whittle down the list and come up with 5 characteristics of a hero. Kids were always really good about agreeing that their “hero” was not really a hero but just someone they thought was “cool.” It was an interesting lesson in classifying (which is a thinking skill we were trying to teach.) I still remember the boy who finally, reluctantly, agreed that maybe Kurt Cobain was not a hero. 🙂
What an interesting exercise! Poor Kurt…:) As not quite a geezer yet but nearing geezerhood, perhaps the lesson is that it is with age that we have a better chance of being able to identify true cool.
Such a fun post and also kudos to the great comments above- especially Frances!
I feel the same about Diana Fox Carney and her husband.
Happy Anniversary Sue and Stu! Two very cool cats.
Thanks, Nancy!
Thanks Nancy. It’s cool that we’re anniversary twins. 🙂
I was at a jazz jam. There was a woman, (in her 70’s) there that no one knew. She stood up and started swaying to the music. A young man put down his instrument and went over to the women, asked if she would like to dance. He took her into his arms and off they went around the floor. It was like a scene from a movie. They were two of the coolest people I have ever seen!
What a lovely story, Linda.
Enjoyed today’s topic. I always find it kinda sad when women over a certain age ask if they can wear jeans, leather, shorts etc. They seem to need permission where as I never see men asking what they can wear.
Good point, Paula. 🙂
The brother of a close friend (she died a few years ago) is, I think, the epitome of cool. He’s 89 now, so certainly a “geezer” but still very active in his community’s arts scene. When I first knew him in the ‘50’s he was a member of a band that played the clubs on the Yonge Street Strip, in downtown Toronto. I was in my teens and he and his band were “older” in their early twenties………and all were very cool, dressed to the nines in their leopard skin or gold lame jackets. They “jammed” with some of the greats in the music world at that time and especially Ronnie Hawkins and Robbie Robertson. I saw he and his wife many times over the years ……..he’s still a cool guy.
Great example, Gwen. He sounds very cool. 🙂
How about this for a word: “discombobulated”.
I saw a sign at an airport over a bench just past the security checkpoint. It read “recombobulation station”. Wish I had taken a pic
I use that word all the time. I suppose that’s because I’m firmly entrenched in geezerhood, I am more often discombobulated!!!
I use. that word too. More and more as I get older and more easily discombobulated. I might steal that other word, Shaza… recombobulation… love it!
What a great read and fun post. Very enjoyable. Jean
Thanks, Jean. 🙂
Lucinda Williams personifies cool for me.
And definitely Christopher Walken.
Lucinda Williams…I had to look up who she is. She does indeed seem cool. 🙂
Yes to Lucinda’s Profound Coolness! The last concert we saw her in was post-stroke and her performance was stunning.
Those who think they are cool seldom are! We all know the archetype of the ‘trying too hard’ person..cringe. Coolness is a title bestowed on one not a self coronation. My brother was once gifted bespoke leather pants by a friend in the industry…had them made and wore them twice! But they are so cool we cried…’ but not my kind of cool’ he replied. Cool people don’t try, they are.
I was lucky to be raised by a cool guy who remained that way until he left the planet at 98! He was well read ( discombobulated was a favourite word) entertained neighbour kids with amazing recitations of the poetry of his youth..his favourite High Flight he recited from memory without a pause two days before he passed. When we were kids we thought him very uncool ( your father was not supposed to be cool) yet as we grew up friend after friend referred to Dad as cool…all six grandsons thought he was cool too. Though sartorial coolness hinges on personal style and is rarely the whole picture of cool, he was a snappy dresser with his red suspenders , blazer and grey flannels, goatee and yes in his nineties rocked a leather jacket! Looking back on his life I would say that cool is many things but also a sort of fearlessness to go against the grain to do what pleases not to be antagonistic but because it’s who we are. Cool people read the room and decide whether it’s worth entering or not.
My mother ( the Queen of WHAT WILL PEOPLE THINK) would say, without irony ‘there is room for only one cool person in the house …so I guess I’m the hot one’ The difference was she would say it in a disparaging Mother Superior tone, my father would have said those words with a sassy wink. One cool cat!
Your father sounds like he was a wonderfully cool guy. 🙂
I loved reading this – thanks for sharing. It sounds like your father was very special.
This has to be one of the best posts I have ever read. I have never been able to quite put my finger on what makes someone “cool” vs. “not cool” but you have nailed it! I am going to add the word “fisticuffs” to my vocabulary and maybe I’ll sound somewhat cool. Ha!
Let’s all use fisticuffs and then take note of the expressions of those around us when we do. 🙂
Fisticuffs Is brilliant!! Hilarious story.
I came from a family of five children.
I was the middle child.
My elder brother was enraged one day when I replied to him , “I don’t care if I’m cool or not …. I never will. “
Good for you, Margaretanne.
At 75 I’m still a smidge too insecure to be totally cool but I’m getting there. Maintaining a level of physical fitness and mental agility definitely helps me “to stand my ground”. Loved reading this particular blog. Lots of “food for thought”
Thanks, Krystyna. 🙂
Hugh Grant napping at Wimbledon – so cool ! A very chic geezer who doesn’t care what people think 👌🏻
Totally agree. I love how Hugh Grant is aging. He’s much more adorable now that he’s a grumpy geezer.
I love this so much!
I’ve never been someone who has been known to be cool – when I was in school, I know some people used to call me smart, because I got goo
good grades, but that certainly wasn’t cool by any means!
I grew up with a mother who didn’t care at all what others thought about her, so I always modeled that behavior, without even consciously realizing it. When someone said something to me in college about “not being afraid to be my own person” I was actually kinda surprised. But then I decided it was a compliment, and I’ve just continued from there.
Maybe now that I’m well into geezer-hood, someone will think I’m cool. Stranger things have a happened! 🙂
My mum was definitely the opposite about what other people might think. Maybe that’s because when we were kids she was judged for being divorced. It was the early sixties and most people in our small town thought divorced women must be “up to something.” Ha. My mum was the last person to be “up to something.”
Love this post! I agree that Charlotte Rampling and Frances are cool. Another cool icon for me is Isabelle Huppert. I have always been too self-conscious and people-pleasing to be cool, but I am evolving as I get older (I’m 69). Hopefully as I learn to wear what I want and care less what others think more coolness will come!
So many French women our age (I’m 69 too), and older, are cool I think. As are a lot of British actresses. I love the way Helena Bonham Carter does her own thing.
Well, I want to be cool. Sigh. I guess that makes me uncool. Oh well. 😉
You are cool, my friend. 🙂
Hee hee
I really love this post and your descriptions of people you think are cool. You seem right on about all of them. I think that you are cool in many ways: obviously, your sense of style and thoughtfulness about clothing (all aspects from caring for it, carefully choosing new items with an eye for what you already have, and especially wearing it). Your honesty is also very cool (i.e. refreshing) as you admit things you do care about and you write about emotions. I remember the post in which you described cleaning out the tent for camping and how you were feeling at that time. To be cool is to be real and honest, IMHO.
I’m not very cool. I care a bit too much about what people think, although I have let go some as I’ve aged into geezerhood. I love style and wish that I was a bit more stylish. I tend to live in jeans and tee shirts. I wish that I easily threw on cool outfits.
Style is one form of cool that I admire and I always notice people who are cool dressers and true to their sense of style. I agree that Francis is cool. Cool is also an attitude. Doing what really matters to you and caring about/for others.
Thanks, Dottie. Funny you should remember that post. A friend has referred to it as well. I believe as well that much of being cool is about attitude.
Aw,I love “frankly, my dear,I don’t give a damn” way of being cool. It is so refreshing. It is not giving it up,ceasing to make an effort,it is playing the game by one’s own rules
In my book,both you and Frances, are very cool: you both own the narrative (and I’ve seen you IRL,so it counts double :))
Dottoressa
Ah thanks, my friend. Love that movie line too, although not a fan of the movie itself. 🙂
Well, when it comes to cool I’d definitely have to add Barack Obama to that list. He always carries himself with confidence and ease … but not arrogance. He strikes me as the type of person who really couldn’t care less what his detractors think because is comfortable being himself. And he smiles lots … that’s way cool!!!
I have to agree.
What a fun and thoughtful post, Sue! I am enjoying the comments, too. I agree about Hugh Grant (he just keeps getting better) and the incomparable Christopher Walken. Johnny Depp, although only approaching geezerhood in age, is very cool. Talk about marching to the beat of your own drum. Carol Kaye meets my definition of cool on the ladies’ side. It’s hard to define, but I would say it’s an air of quiet confidence and the ability to understand what’s happening around you, as well as being true to yourself. Simply looking at Frances’ picture tells me she is cool – I would like to be friends with her.
Lovely piece. I’ve missed reading you.
Thanks, Ann. I hope you are well, and enjoying Kentucky. 🙂
Comments are closed.