Not to sound like a broken record or anything, but it’s been hard to stay afloat this winter, my friends. Emotionally, I mean. Most of my energy is focussed on not sinking beneath the weight of, well, everything really. To extend the metaphor, February is knocking holes in my boat. And not sinking has sometimes been difficult. Of course, paddling faster is one way to stay afloat… literally. But that only works with canoes. And even then not for long.
You see, as much as I make jokes, and write chirpily about travel plans, and knitting, and imaginary get-aways to a cabin in the woods, the things I do to distract myself or cheer myself up during a long winter don’t always work. And, to be honest, this week has felt particularly long and lonely. Some days knitting and skiing and talking to Hubby are just not enough.
Of course, as I wrote a couple of weeks ago, the current political turmoil is upsetting. Much less stressful for me, than for those of you who are more directly affected than I am. Still, I asked Hubby to tone down the political discussions… aka ranting… and he has. And I’ve stopped reading or listening to most political stuff. I don’t plan to bury my head in the sand longterm, just temporarily.
And yet some days I still feel as if I’m sinking.
I think it’s partly because I feel isolated. Family and old friends are all down east. I’m heading down there next month for a bit. But in the meantime, I miss what I’d have if I lived back home. A niece, a sister, an old friend, or even a friendly neighbour who fetches up on my doorstep and stays for tea and a chat. A quick dash to the grocery store that turns into a half hour standing in the produce section, holding an avocado or a head of lettuce, and yakking with my brother’s old girlfriend, or someone I knew in elementary school. These are things that happen more frequently when you live where you grew up. And when that place is small, like Fredericton.
Of course I have lots of friends in Ottawa. But they all have family nearby: children, sisters, mothers, grandchildren. And most of them grew up here, so they have older, close friends around them. Friends to whom they are closer than to me. So they don’t call on me for the chats that you might have with your sister or your high school chum. And when life gets busy, or painful, most people reach out to family, or old friends first. Like I said to a friend over lunch one day, not to sound self-pitying, but I’m what I call a “second-tier friend.” You know, the friend you will contact when you’re planning an outing, someone you like and enjoy spending time with, but not someone who is necessary to your life.
Oh god, does that sound self-pitying? It does, doesn’t it? I apologize.
I know I’m very lucky. I live in a wonderful place. I have sisters who care about me and stay in touch. And nieces who love me, and with whom I can have a fulsome phone call every so often. The best kind of phone call, one that includes bitching, whining, and laughing in equal measure. I have a wonderful husband, even if he does rant sometimes. Okay, frequently. Ha. But he’s never ranting at me, or about me, which is good. And he cooks, so there’s that. Plus he’s great company. And funny, which is huge for me. And when I go home, I have old friends who know me so well that I never have to explain myself. They just “get” me. Never underestimate the wonderful feeling of a long, multi-cups-of-tea conversation with equal measures of whining, bitching, and laughing with someone who “gets” you.
So, I know I’m lucky. But some days knowing that doesn’t make a bit of difference. Knowing that doesn’t always help when one is sinking. Metaphorically, of course.
You know, I was going to write about canned spaghetti today.
About how when I was eating my lunch the other day, leftover spaghetti, not canned, I might add, I asked Hubby if he remembered eating canned spaghetti when he was a kid. He did. And we launched into one of those remember when conversations about our respective childhoods.
Chef Boyardee canned pasta was a staple for kids back when I was young. In fact, I didn’t eat real spaghetti with homemade sauce until I was a teenager. Our conversation about canned spaghetti lead to milk in glass bottles, and milkmen who delivered the milk in glass bottles, and those tiny glass pint bottles of chocolate milk with the little cardboard top that we might purchase from the milkman when he delivered the milk. What a treat they were. But only in the summer because in the summer we were at home when the milkman’s truck passed down our street.
And Hubby told of the milkman who delivered on the airforce base in Ottawa where Hubby lived when he was young. A wonderfully cheerful Dutchman who always sang and whistled, he said. And then one day the milkman accidentally backed his truck over a small child who was playing in a driveway. The child died. And they never heard that man sing or whistle again, Hubby said.
We sat quietly with that for a moment, sipping our tea.
And then, when we picked up the thread of our conversation again, we had somehow wended our way to neighbourhood games of pick-up baseball. And how the teams had to be even, with the littlest kids, total liabilities as far as hitting and catching but who had to be included, fairly distributed. I told Hubby how determined I was back then to keep up with the boys at all costs. I could NOT stand for a boy to get ahead of me not athletically, not academically, not in any way. I can still remember the feeling of gritting my teeth and running as fast as I could to reach home plate, legs pumping, frustrated that I couldn’t make them move any faster. In fact, I’m gritting my teeth as I write that. Ha.
Then Hubby launched into one of his favourite childhood stories. How Fatty O’Brien hit him in the head with a baseball bat. Poor Fatty, to be stuck with that appellation for life. Apparently when he grew up he was tall and lanky. But at eleven he was square, solid, and strong, and everyone called him Fatty. Hubby says he could hit the ball like no one’s business. In the fateful game, Fatty was up at bat. As catcher, Hubby stood directly behind the batter. And Fatty caught him square in the forehead with a massive swing. Hubby says he woke up on the kitchen table at home.
“If I’d turned my head, he’d have hit me in the temple, and I’d be dead,” Hubby concluded. “You always say that every time you tell that story,” I hooted. “I like to be consistent,” he replied. Oh, that did make me laugh.
I felt buoyed up the rest of the day by that laugh. And that conversation.
So I guess I wasn’t sinking that afternoon. And I happily set about cleaning the salt off my outdoor boots and waterproofing them again. Then I knit on my scarf and listened to a wonderful podcast called “Fashion Neurosis” with Bella Freud. And we had grilled salmon for dinner. My favourite.
Anyway, as I said, I started to write about canned spaghetti this morning. And somehow I launched into why the conversation Hubby and I had about canned spaghetti was so restorative. Sorry if I sounded self-pitying. But some days I think we’re all a little self-pitying. Even those of us who have no outward reason for being so.
Hope you enjoy the little video below about sinking. A colleague of mine, a language teacher, found it years ago. And I laugh every time I see it.
That’s it for me for this week, folks. Hope you are having a good weekend. Hope you’re not sinking. Feel free to tell us if you are. Or maybe you can tell us what “you are sinking about.” 🙂
99 thoughts on “On Not Sinking This Week”
Well, most of this last week was prepping for another colonoscopy, and I don’t dare do anything with your “sinking” metaphor for fear of wandering into murky waters. Oh dear, see what I mean?! And then the colonoscopy. . . and now it seems there will be a follow-up one sooner that I’d anticipated.
But as beleaguered as some say our Canadian medical system is at the moment, I got great care through the procedure and didn’t pay a cent for it, and the testing is precautionary rather than symptom-driven (my younger sister is currently a 5-year survivor, diagnosed before 60, so I’m automatically screened in for regular testing — that’s a good thing, right?)
(Also, I know exactly what you mean about the 2nd-tier friendships! If I’d known how hard it would be to pitch myself as top-tier to any local potential friends, I’d still have moved to stay close to grandkids, but wow! some days it’s just hard!)
xo,
f
Oh, the dreaded colonoscopy. I have them regularly as well. A grandparent who died from colon cancer and a mum who had polyps removed regularly. The prep is the worst part for me. I get dehydrated and then get the chills, and a raging headache. Not fun. Still, I’m glad we can get them. For. Free. Ha.
It is hard, isn’t it? Some of my friends have fallen away. And others, well, I can’t exactly ask them to call me more. Plus… I don’t mind doing the calling and the organizing of outings most of the time. It’s just that if I don’t do that we don’t have outings and that sometimes hurts my feelings. Especially if I am having a self-pitying week. Which I do every so often. Sigh. Whine, whine, whine. 🙁
A new friend ( neighbor) told me about this blog and this particular one. We have been neighbors for a long time but sadly it took the death of my dear husband of 62 years to bring us closer as neighbor and now good friends. Boy! Can I relate to getting downhearted because I am the one who almost always has to light a fire under a friend to get then to go to a social event or just out to lunch. I finally learned to deal with it by saying, ” Some of us are doers and some of us are followers.” I am 83 and extremely healthy and active but it has taken me a long, long time to just accept people as they are and come to the realization that a person does not always do the think I would do in a given situation. You know the old saying, “Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart?”
I’m a few years behind you, Vicky, and boy do I get that saying. I am amazed at the things I am still learning. About myself, about how to live, about so many things. 🙂
Wendy,sorry,I hope you don’t mind,the only way to comment today ((and my yesterday comment get lost) was to reply to someone’s comment.
It is curious-Is it my phone/tablet? It happened from time to time,but it is more often now…am I paranoid? Is it something in the air?
I’m with you, Sue….sometimes life just happens and all the figures on the table are somewhat scattered. Friends get retired,went to live out of the town,children go to live abroad,close family members have serious health issues….to name a few. The only constant is change. The well woven tapestry of life so far is different….but one is so grateful for some new friends,who emerge from “coffee echalon” and could really shine as stars, when you really need a true friend. So,you never know…
The Berlitz clip is amazing,I’m listening to it on the radio for years and find it hilarious every time but didn’t know that there was a video
Dottoressa
Dottoressa, I see a lot of people commenting by replying to other’s comments. Maybe they are having the same problems as you? So sorry that your comment yesterday was lost. Darned technology.
Living in the Blue State of Washington might not be as bad as some areas, but the least three weeks have been terribly stressful on a daily basis. Fortunately, three friends are a walk away. Tea and yarn and books bring us together. We all love you up in Canada and are cheering you on to be strong against our political nonsense down here. In fact, most of us in my area would love to leave and be a province of you!
Many in California too! Why don’t we bring Oregon along and we’ll all 3 join you!
That sounds like a plan, Liz. 🙂
Thanks, Kathy. Canadians are not used to being not liked. And Trump’s verbal attacks have us all flummoxed. By the way, I’d love to have a friend a short walk away. Like Ethel and Lucy. Sigh.
Well, that just absolutely made my day! You made me cry (the mailman) and laugh (sinking!) and feel embarrassed (US insanity) all in a few too short paragraphs. I wish you would write a book. I would buy it. Thanks, Sue. You’re the greatest.
Ah, thanks so much, Susan. You comment made my day too. 🙂
Yes, i too have been sinking this week! I finally had to turn off the news and do other things. Even if it just meant sitting doing a jigsaw puzzle on my iPad or cleaning a linen closet that has been bothering me of late. The cold snap that has us wrapped in its clutches this week hasn’t helped. Other than my daily necessary short walks with my dog I feel very shut in and isolated. I’m not a winter person so I am longing for Spring so I can get out and enjoy nature again, which can always cheer me up!
Anyway I can totally relate to your comments this week. Here’s hoping for sunnier days ahead!
Have a listen to Bella Freud’s podcast. Fashion Neurosis. You can watch them on YouTube too. Her interview with Kate Moss is a hoot. And they are so calming and civil. Not a bit of shrieking, or talking too fast that I’ve found in some podcasts.
Oh! As a retired English teacher, I hooted at the video! I also want to share that I think you expressed the feelings that so many of us have right now. I, too, feel a bit lonely and sinking. I think some of it is the grey days we are having weather-wise coupled with the political farce that is going on here in our state of Tennessee and in the USA, which is impacting the world. I, too, am trying not to stick my head in the sand but I realize that I am limited. What I keep telling myself is to look for the helpers – like Fred Rogers’s mother said. And to try in some way to be one of the helpers. So, I’ve taken on a small role as a volunteer every now and again. Next week it will be for a local community association and also an opportunity to support the Red Cross. I hope you find a way to lift yourself up soon!
That is such a good idea, Beverly. The one good thing that has come about in Canada as a result of the political stuff is that Canadians are feeling very patriotic. Of course we love our country, but we’ve never been big on visible patriotism. I haven’t seen anything like it since the last Quebec separation referendum back in the nineties. Buses of students from our school went to Montreal for a big rally that year, to tell Quebec we loved them and didn’t want them to separate.
Also from Washington, I have been sinking since November. And it just gets worse. I still have a hard time understanding how we got here and why. My parents were from Winnipeg and all my cousins are still there. Since 2016 I have thought about moving to Canada.
Thank you for continuing to blog. Its always entertaining and informative. Jean
Everything about this was just perfect. It is just helpful to know others are feeling the same.
Thank you!
Thanks, Jean and Nancy. Sending virtual Canadian hugs to you both. 🙂
Thank you Sue.
I feel the same. Even from Italy things political look pretty grim and I get so frustrated when other people say not to worry, things will stay the same.
Plus February is such a grey month!
I miss my UK girlfriends too. I have some lovely friends here too but it’s not the same as the ones I grew up with.
It’s so good to hear other people feel the same!
It is isn’t it? I almost didn’t write the beginning part of this post because I thought I was just being dramatic, or selfish, or something. But it was on my mind so I did write it. And hearing that so many of you feel the same has been really helpful.
I woke up to a very cold and grey morning, same as yesterday. Living on a different continent with a different language to the one where I grew up gets to me only in winter. Roll on Spring!
Winter is the worst, for loneliness isn’t it? Roll on spring indeed. Except it will be a couple of months before we even think about spring.
It seems that a combination of extreme political upheaval and uncertainty, yoked to a time of darkness and drear weather, is a theme here at the moment. It really is much easier to deal with things when it gets light early and you aren’t feeling the chilly winds, let alone the rain. We’ve got yet another grey and damp day here…but we are another day nearer to the promise of March. Spring is coming and while everything can seem like turmoil, eventually things will settle. It all sounds facile but everyday life often is. I have a friend who rants and raves and makes dire predictions, all absolutes, but it’s pointlessly exhausting, and tiresomely dull. That’s why tea and books and general chit-chat are so restorative. And when I feel that all is crap, I cheer myself up with a simple thought: I’m not Elon Musk. Somebody who isn’t on anybody’s top tier, friend-wise, and deservedly so. Works a treat.
I thought of you when I was writing the first part of this post, Annie. And felt a bit sheepish to be whining. Hope you are doing okay. I’m glad that spring comes earlier for you guys than it does here. Spring on the moors… it must be lovely.
That’s kind of you. It’s a cliche, but it’s true – life goes on. And other people’s lives are interesting, so continue to tell your stories. It’s what we do, around the campfire.
I was about to post when I read Annie’s comment above & she said it all for me really . Except , if I lived close enough to you I’d be round like a shot for a natter . I’m sure I’m not the only one here who feels that way – you’d need a bigger house & alot more mugs 😁
Ah… that made me smile, Wendy. More mugs… more mugs will be required. x
I live in the US and I battle feeling an angry and disgust I never knew I had in me. Unfortunately our mess is spilling into and onto our friends, neighbors and allies. To feel a sense of usefulness I have been writing and calling my representatives. Even one I was warned not too. Here’s hoping for the best but preparing for the worst.
I live in the US too and share your feelings. My 63-year-old son is married to a lovely Canadian woman, and they live in Kanata, just outside of Ottawa. I’m worried that if he comes home to visit, the Canadians won’t let him return to Kanata. And I won’t visit him because I’m so ashamed of how 49% voted, and I’m afraid the Canadians wouldn’t let me in either. I spend a lot of time writing to both of my senators and representative to offer ‘constructive’ advice. I’m 85 years old and I never thought I would see this…
Good for you, Robyn. Every elected representative needs to hear from the people in his or her jurisdiction, I believe. Perhaps that will give them the courage to speak up.
Thank you for addressing the elephant in the “room” so eloquently. I fluctuate between anger and overwhelming sadness at the state of my country. It’s extremely embarrassing that the US would elect such an unqualified, heartless and crass human being. It’s also hard to understand who voted for this! Practice self care but do not give up the fight!
Sound advice. Self care and keep on fighting. 🙂
We are in the middle of summer but I also have that sinking feeling. There seems to be political upheaval everywhere, even our quiet little backwater. Everything gets blamed on the “Gummint” and the fact they should be doing more of everything for everyone – not really feasible given the size of our population. Plus a rise in racial tensions which is not nice to see.
I’m an only child and my parents both died many years ago. I now live downunder but all my extended family are in the UK. My aunts and uncles are all dead as are over half of my cousins – I am the youngest on both sides. My children and seven grandchildren all live in Australia but unfortunately in three different states. One of them is a seven hour flight away. As I have moved countries eight times I have not managed to keep in touch with school friends either so I totally understand your feelings of loneliness. I have lovely friends here but several have moved out of the city as they have retired and all have siblings, children and grandchildren of their own so your description of being a second or even third tier friend resonates. These are just facts of life to be endured so forgive me if I sound as if I’m having a personal pity party!
As the 90 year old matriarch of the choir I’m in says “I woke up this morning, got up, and one foot is moving in front of the other so it is a good day”
I get riled up when I hear people blaming everything on our Prime Minister. Sometimes things over which he has no control. I try not to think too much about it. Or jump into social media conversations about politics, especially the vociferous ones. I once expressed a counter opinion on Facebook and someone told me I needed to do more research before I expressed an opinion. I think he meant the “right kind” of research, the non-factual kind. Ha.
Random thoughts. Hilarious video! I don’t live in Canada. I don’t like winter – esp snow and ice. My husband and I have run away to FL for a month and are fortunate to be able to do that. Politics, here, are quite distressing. I love your writing Sue and look forward to reading your posts. I especially like your book recommendations – when I am looking for a good read I go to your site. Another commenter said you should write a book. I agree.
Thanks so much, Mary.
I think many of us are experiencing the same feelings as you during this time. I was feeling your sadness seep through the words, and then I laughed out loud at the video. Thanks, I needed that. I can’t tell you how much I look forward to your Sunday posts.
Thanks for saying so, Barbara. 🙂
When you last discussed politics, there emerged a small but equally vocal group of conservative voices, including mine. Then, as now, I appreciated the freedom to share our views; I don’t agree with everything our nation’s President says or does, but I’m heartened that some wrongs are being righted and long-buried untruths are being unearthed. I’m in a very happy place politically after feeling forgotten about the last four years.
The thing that has long had me ranting (shoutout to your hubby) is the dearth of actual journalists in today’s world. Forty years ago, when I sat in my first college journalism class, we were told to just report the facts – no one wanted to hear our opinion based on our personal beliefs. True then, true now.
Your sadness at missing long-held friendships and those grocery store chats really resonated with me. Due to my husband’s job, we spent 8 long years in a very small community where everyone was related to everyone and talked of nothing else – it was stifling and soul-killing. We’re finally retired, moved, and close to family and grand babies again.
Thank you Tess, from another Conservative from Washington State.
Well said, Tess. Thank you for adding to the discussion.
I’m glad that you feel able to express your feelings here, Tess. I hope that things work out the way you want them to. I fear that getting rid of so many institutions which were created to help people and protect the ordinary folk will not turn out well for many. I do wish your president wasn’t so vitriolic towards our country. That is something that most Canadians cannot understand.
By the way, I feel the same about the state of journalism. Especially the plethora of “citizen journalists” who just express opinions unsupported by facts.
February has always been a tough slog for me. Dreary long days at their worst. But this year has been especially difficult. I tripped and fell on the welcome mat at my grandson’s school. Broke my left wrist and right hand. Never a break before now. Fortunately my hubby has been my beck and call boy. My girlfriend phone calls have been my lifeline. And I can still text! It’s been a sobering time. Keeping my spirits up is job 1. Sunshine makes a huge difference! It’s the little things we take for granted. I will try to remember that. Like squeezing toothpaste out of a tube. Cheers to you all for an early spring!
Oh my goodness… both sides affected. How difficult that must be, Chris. Sunshine and squeezed toothpaste tubes… small victories, eh?
Remember, Sue, there is the crap/joy ratio. Be sure to note it. If the crap outweighs the joy, make some changes so that joy predominates. This was the legacy left in the obit of an old friend of mine. These days, joy is not waiting at the door when you get up in the morning….you have to look hard for it. On other days, it is right there!
Some days I can find it easily. Other days… not so easily. As long as the latter doesn’t outweigh the former, I’m good. 🙂
Annie – your statement “that at least you are not Elon Musk” brightened my day enormously. I will be remembering that comment when the days get dreary.
Me too, Kitty. 🙂
I’ve had to limit my news consumption – it’s just too disheartening to watch the US Constitution being shredded by non- accountables while the checks and balances we’ve been told about all our lives are ignored. But in good news, the knee healing goes apace, and I’m up to 15 minutes on my daily walk. So I focus on that, and on my friends, and and my darling husband who has been entirely released from waiting on me hand and foot but does it anyway.
Ah… he does it anyway. How lovely, Carol. Here’s to speedy healing.
What am I sinking? I feel lucky for this crisp and sunny day, recent rain, a cat curled up next to me, and to live in California. But no place in the U.S. will be untouched by the cruelty, corruption, and erosion of democracy that we are experiencing right now. Proud of Canadians for standing proud and strong against it. We are with you. Wrenching myself away from the news has been hard, but I’m trying, and doing what I can to help – donating, contacting our reps, etc. Tess, you and I may disagree about politics (profoundly I suspect), but I concur with your views on journalism. I feel the loss keenly. As for loneliness and isolation, I feel that too. With friends far away and locals in our bubbles, it can be weighty. That’s why I love this little community. Together far away, we share this lovely space.
Thanks so much for this, Wendy.
A couple of years ago we moved back to Yorkshire, to the home area I left 40 plus years ago. We left behind an affluent, interesting area with access to London and all its attractions. When I live now is more parochial, has a higher crime rate and is much less pretty. But I still have top tier (great phrase!) friends there from my school days and my sister, niece and nephew are a 15 minute walk from my house. Other close family are only a manageable drive away. It was a wrench to go and I miss people we left behind, but definitely the best decision. Moving house when it means moving areas is very daunting. I truly sympathise with your dilemma.
It is daunting. I’d love to move back to New Brunswick. But there are lots of other considerations besides my access to friends and close family.
There seem to be more than the usual number of comments today. I think lots of people are uneasy about what is happening in the world, especially in the US.
This may be the first time I’ve written a comment because I have a feeling you don’t remember me and that matters to me for some reason.
I am also getting signs that I’m sinking and trying to prevent that because I know what happens if I don’t. And I also have a husband who likes to keep me posted on the state of the world and chat about it. I have also asked him to restrain himself so I’m not feeling upset all day long.
But the best thing I do is laugh with that same husband, who is very entertaining. He is a great listener and my best friend. I’ve been listening to the podcast “Backstage at the Vinyl Cafe” and laughing along with recordings of Stuart McLean’s live performances of his Dave and Morley stories. Laughing out loud is incredibly therapeutic.
I’ve been snowshoeing in the woods with my dog and spending hours painting in my studio, my happy place. That I’m able to motivate myself to do these things is a really good sign that I’m managing the typical ‘sink’ at this difficult time if year for those of us with long, dark winters.
Finally, Sue, I have also had some deaths in the past year. My Dad died at the end of July and I lost my one year older sister not one month later. I lost my mom just over two years ago. Our daughter lives in Regina and our son has chosen to remove himself from our family. I feel like my world has shrunk very small. I try to not wallow, successfully, I think. but when we are having that ‘sinking’ feeling, it’s extra hard to be a glass half full person. Getting together with our friends and acquaintances feels like it takes more energy that we have.
Your blog hits very close to home today. You are rich in friends and never second tier, even if it might feel that way sometimes. Thank you for writing your blog. I love it every Sunday, even if I’m not a fashion person like you. ❤️
P.S. We were an Alphagetti family. Crazy!
Oh my goodness, Julie. Of course I remember you. Nancy F and I were talking about you just the other week. She said you read my blog and I was so flattered. Thanks for reading! And thanks for writing such an honest comment. Sounds like our husbands are similar. I hate to shut mine down when he gets emotional about current affairs. But I had to finally tell him that I couldn’t absorb his emotion and keep my head above water at the same time. So many water analogies today! Too many, probably. Ha.
Wow I recognize how you are feeling. I blame society these days. Although I’ve lived in the same neighborhood for almost 30 I have nothing to do with my neighbours . They are pleasant and wave hello but keep to themselves. My close friends all live in other cities so my main support is through the phone. My husband passed away this past July so the loneliness is real. Now both of my parents were in hospital the past two weeks with covid and pneumonia and I’m dealing with all of that as well. I am having to find new accommodation for them so that has occupied some of my time. I think living in the cold prairies with the long winters has not helped. For the past few months I have been trying to meet new friends to build up my support system but it is hard, I’m the same age as you. Thanks for you posts I look forward to them each week,
I know the stress of dealing with elderly parents, Bonita. Well, one parent anyway. I found it really hard.
Thanks for this, and don’t worry, we all need to know that it’s important to recognize our feelings and to express them. As online friends we are here for each other.
I live in California and have to count my
blessings for this alone. I try to avoid the news about
what’s going on in the White House as it will soon
change through some judge’s orders, or another reprieve. My husband passed away nearly 2 years ago
and he watched a lot of news programs but I’d
mute the sound or leave the room. The election was disappointing, but I am determined not to let it affect my attitude that there are still good people in the world and in politics as well.
My daughter is a huge support and good friend, but
she has responsibilities: her work, her husband and home. Ditto my 2 sons. I count my blessings everyday…and try to
stay healthy myself by getting out for a walk, and
some gardening everyday. I started a group for
widows through my women’s group and I attend
a book group as well as a writer’s group, and a yoga group on zoom, a meditation group which all help me to feel connected.
Since I am 85 I also have very few good friends left for
a support system, just have to keep on keeping on.
Gosh, good for you, Joan to have joined so many supportive groups.
Have you given any thought to moving to Fredericton? It’s a lovely city and as you said, family & friends. I believe real estate is less expensive too. Some waterfront might even become available in your search.
No, I haven’t thought of moving to Fredericton but I definitely would like to visit sometime. I belong to two walking groups and I volunteer as well as paint so I’m fairly active . I have a positive attitude about the future and know that I have to keep joining things to meet new people. Thanks for the comment.
We have discussed it, Joanna. At times I think I’d like nothing more. We could sell our waterfront property here easily. In fact our near neighbour has approached us already. And homes in Fredericton would definitely be cheaper. But there’s the healthcare issue. A friend and longtime nurse spoke to me at our 50th reunion in September and raised that issue. She has recently retired from nursing in Fredericton and warned me to consider carefully before we moved. Hubby has health issues, and he’s received such excellent care here. So there’s that. Plus Hubby’s family are here. And his longtime friends. So we’d be swapping my isolation for his. But we haven’t ruled it out. Just put it on the back burner for a couple of years. We’ll see, I guess.
One thing that has helped me the last few weeks is discovering a new genre of fiction-Japanese and Korean cozies. I read an article about the trend and decided to try them. I believe the article referred to them as ‘healing fiction.’ I so enjoyed ‘Before the Coffee Gets Cold’ (a series) and ‘Days at the Morisaki Bookshop’. After finishing the last one I woke up the next morning with such hopefulness. It’s hard to explain how these have touched me and I can’t wait to explore more!
Totally agree about being in a ‘down’ mode. I feel as if I am on auto pilot when I should be doing something more productive. I also refuse to watch US media coverage. And my husband is not the ranter in the house. I rant about anything controversial I have seen on my tablet – good and bad. And he tells me he doesn’t want to hear any more of anything. He just wants to watch the hockey game. Good for him. I will just go back to my Donna Leon book or my ‘Bury the Lead’ book on my tablet. They are good stories and not full of some sort of ‘injustice’ happening to ordinary people.
I’ve just ordered a couple of those from the library, Jill. Healing fiction… bring it on. 🙂
Thankyou Sue. Addressing the elephant in the room encourages me to tell you how horrified I am that our dictator and the sycophants in his party who support him, have threatened Canadian sovereignty.
As a former social studies teacher who taught civics to 8th graders for 37 years I find myself struggling against despair much of the time. America has lost its way and our constitutional crisis has only strengthened my resolve to fight back.
I’m deeply sorry Sue. I’m firmly on the Canadian side.
Thank-you Marilee. We are a bit gobsmacked by the fifty-first state comments. And don’t find them funny in the least. Now is the time to speak up, I think.
Oh Sue, only just read your post this morning. It did make me tear up (and then giggle at the end!)
Everyone has said it all so I’ll just say, ’we’re with you, our top-tier friend!’
Ah, thanks, Genevieve.
As with everyone else, this is just such a hard time. The winter doldrums combined with the awful, awful things going on here in the US are just hard to stomach. Like you, I had that discussion with my hubby this week. I am fine reading headlines and keeping up somewhat, but the ranting isn’t good for either of us. It seems everything has become politicized and I really wonder if our democracy will survive at this point. It’s so hard. A few laughs on any other topic are welcome, and we both enjoyed the video you shared.
We have kids living and working in Canada and in the UK. Frankly, I don’t see them coming back anytime soon. I can’t imagine I would. So of course, that leads to less time with family which makes me sad. I did have a great two hour blather with my daughter in BC yesterday which really lifted my spirits. And in my search for escape I am rewatching Downton Abbey. The intro music calms me and reminds me of all the winter Sunday nights I spent waiting for the next episode (before streaming). Small comforts. Spring is coming.
Downton Abbey cures many ills. Especially since we now don’t have to wait a week for the next episode. 🙂
Sue I am definitely picking up what you are putting down. This time of year here is challenging even though the days lengthened. The skaters and skiers among us are happy with the cold and heavy snows so there is some happiness.
After dealing with pneumonia and a trip by ambulance to the Civic in November I am again challenged with a bad cold that has hung on for ten days. We had contemplated a trip south for a week or two but have nixed that once we saw what was happening in the states. My husband refuses to travel there and spend our weak dollar in Trumpistan. Many of our friends have cancelled longed for southern holidays and a few are putting their Florida or Arizona properties on the market. One is keeping his but AirB&Bing it for four years, refusing to step foot over the border.
I have a nephew in Pennington NJ and cousins in California that I worry about. My cousins are born and bred in the USA but my nephew is a reluctant émigré taken there by lucrative work then married an American girl who is embedded there with her Republican family…what we tolerate for love…but both his kids are registered as dual citizens a concession their mother has made.
I do watch the news because I was raised in a political household where denying reality could have you tasked with reading the various news magazines subscribed to by our household then reporting back to family at the dinner table. My brother experienced this once after commenting ‘who cared about President Johnson’ he soon found out!! I remember the day Jack Ruby killed Lee Harvey Oswald. My father was shaving and called us all into his bedroom to watch the BREAKING NEWS we were 9,6, 5 ( the baby was exempted) Your husband sounds like he might be a long lost cousin but of ours!
Anyway spring will come, dry January is over, the days grow longer and soon the ice in the Rideau will break up as it always does.
Take comfort in your friends, I am sure none of them consider you second tier, yer just moping my girl. Time to face the future, make plans (regardless of what’s going on in the world) and move forward.
That’s what I keep telling myself.
Hugs
I know, you’re right, I was just moping. And I didn’t stay off the news for long. At least the Canadian news. I’m limiting myself to CBC. 🙂
It is depressing for sure, never thought I’d see the day a demented convicted felon would scam so many into voting him as their president (dictator). It’s been cold here which is an improvement on the rainy Jan we had last year and at least the sun shines a few days every week. Treated myself to some new grow light and spend a few hours a day playing with my plants, seeds are cheaper than annuals and experimenting with micro-greens. Add in some jigsaw puzzles and try to stay off the news about the orange fool. The world is crazy and scary.
PS: have to add I have never before been as impressed with our Prime Minister as I was last week!!
Me too, Brenda. I have been impressed with him throughout this whole tariff debacle.
Sue…the eloquence of the earlier comments express my shared disappointment in the political antics of this current administration. May the mayhem not be irreparable. I am a person of faith who is abhorred with those who are in power now. May it be ever so brief.
I, too, seek refuge with community and find it with my church family. Not all are in political agreement but are respectful enough to agree that we do look to a different power, a different leadership.
I repeat…may this season be ever so brief.
I so wish that people in power would speak respectfully and intelligently. I keep thinking what I would have said to my students if they had spoken or written some of the vitriol or the drivel we hear. I’m glad you have a respectful and supportive community, Charlene. 🙂
❤️❤️❤️
A wonderful post and equally wonderful comments. I like reading all of them. Wishing everyone in this respectful community well.
Thanks, Nancy. It is a wonderful community, isn’t it. Don’t know how I got so lucky.
Not luck Sue . Intelligent writing , interesting topics , good humour & a great deal of hard work x
One more thing, Sue…would you and your hubby ever think of getting a pet?? When all else fails, our two cats bring us joy every day. 😊
We have discussed getting cats again. We are still thinking about it. The problem is travel and no friendly neighbours to look after animals anymore.
rover.com, Sue😊?
I love your posts. This one reminded me of when I was very young. We had our milk delivered. My sister and I spent 2 or 3 hours one mornimg making tin can telephones with string to go to our neighbor’s house across the street. Right in the path of the Roberts milk truck. We finally managed to get one can from our upstairs bedroom with the other can to her upstairs bedroom. We were just ready to tighten the string and here came the truck. The string was too low. He snapped it in two and we had to start all over again the next day, Your post brought to mind some wonder-full old memories of growing up in rural Iowa.
Oh gosh, I do remember tin cans with string “telephones.” Somehow the things we made ourselves seemed so much more fun than things we could buy ready-made.
It’s difficult to not sink into depression these days. I’m trying to find ways to cope with our current political climate. Winter is not my best season on any year, but add the political disaster that we are living in and that is a recipe for depression.
Like you, I’m trying to find ways to manage it all and keep myself from sinking. Your post helped. I wrote a post on this basic subject and pointed out your thoughts (linking to this post). Every way that we can manage is a step forward.
Yesterday, I read a powerful piece written by Sharrilyn Ifill that gave me some strength and ideas. (if you are interested in reading it, here’s the link: https://open.substack.com/pub/sherrilyn/p/democracy-is-crumbling-is-anybody?r=apqjr&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false).
I hope that you have a great visit home and plenty of quality time with old friends.
I haven’t read the full article yet, but thanks for the link Dottie. I looked her up and see that she is Gwen Ifill’s cousin. What a gift that family has given to their country as truth tellers.
As always, your posts are one of the highlights of my week. You always touch on such meaningful and thoughtful subjects. Count me in as one of those struggling not to sink. I am saddened at what this heinous administration is doing our country, but I am especially disappointed and heartbroken by friends and family who give full support. I’ll never understand it. The weather here in the Midwest has been quite cold and icy/snowy which has limited my outdoor walking — which I need more than ever. Thank goodness for the local library where I can tap into that endless supply of books. It’s a comfort to come here — feels like a visit with friends! Thank you.
Hang in there, Beth. Both our countries need women who hold opinions and have strong moral compasses.
Ohhhh, how I understand this one. I am divorced, older, and still live in the suburbs where my friends have their families as their first-tier people. Truth be told, my siblings who live in another state and are lovely also have their families/spouses as their first-tier people. I have children who are my first-tier but they also live in other states, so it can be difficult at times, frequently?, to feel as connected with them as I would like. So, when I sink in my better days and still have my wits about me, in other words, not yet fully sunk, I think, “Who can I send love to?” And then I do that – a card, a call, a text. Because everyone sinks at times and can use connection.
On another note, although possibly it is far, far too early for this as a joke, haven’t you ever wanted to be our 51st state? Not ever?? Many of us are good people. Not all of us. Well, maybe only a handful of us at this point in time. (We retain hopes of righting our particular boat before it sinks.)
Carry on. With love. And, when possible, a touch of humor.
I hear you, Maryellen. I know many lovely people who read this blog. But most Canadians know how hard it is to maintain our own identity living next to you guys. We don’t really want to be subsumed. Let’s just be friends and neighbours. We don’t have to move in together. 🙂
I absolutely agree. No one sane agrees with his proposal. The problem is that many down here seem to have lost their minds.
Let me answer this one. Absolutely unequivocally not…..have you ever considered becoming a province or perhaps a state of Mexico?
I hope your sinking feeling has left by now, I suspect so from more recent posts. I’ve just discovered your blog through Pinterest. I live in Tasmania but I’m English, so have the same thoughts and feelings about being far away from people I love and a little isolated sometimes. But I have two lovely, lovely kids, who are now growing up – which brings its own challenges and a new kind of loneliness / sudden unanticipated independence!
For a small cheery note, I’ll just let you know that yesterday I was inspired by one of your posts about what you were packing for a travel trip. I’m heading to the UK for five weeks shortly. Today I went out to collect my shopping and ducked into the nearby charity shop to look for a vest, as your post convinced me this would be the most useful item that my wardrobe is mysteriously missing. And I found one! Exactly my colour! In good shape! In my size! And for $9 Australian dollars. Huzzah!
It’s on the washing line at the moment having an overnight breather or I’d show it to you.
Lovely blog!
The sinking feeling has passed, thanks, Fiona. I’m so glad you found inspiration here on my blog… and that it worked out so well for you. Have a wonderful trip.
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