So another Black Friday has come and gone, my friends. Well, not quite gone of course. The sales are still on, at least in Canada. The pickings grow slimmer and slimmer, and if you continue to dither but can’t quite resist the Black Friday frenzy, you may end up buying something you don’t want at all, in completely the wrong size, and in a weird colour.
Then, if you’ve shopped on-line, the second guessing will commence, and you’ll be utterly pissed off at yourself by the time the item or items arrive. They won’t fit properly, the colour won’t look like it did on your screen, and you’ll wonder whatever came over you. But, hey, you saved money.
If you shopped in person, braving the crowds, maybe you came home with something you didn’t intend to buy. Maybe that was because the item you wanted was sold out and this one was right beside it and after all it was a great deal. So in the stress of too many people and too much noise and fear of missing out, you grabbed it and now can’t imagine what you were thinking. But, still, you saved money.
Sigh. This depiction might sound slightly self-righteous of me. But that’s not my intention. I’m not chastising others. Simply confessing my own sins.
I have done all these things. Suffered the stress of fomo. The self doubt; I mean, if so many people are here this huge sale thing must be a good idea. Right? I’ve purchased in haste, and ended up with a weird lime green sweater, or a cheap skirt that had no lining and rode up my legs every time I moved. All sales were final, of course. And both pieces went in my next cull.
I have shopped successfully in sales a few times in recent years. A couple of Nordstrom Anniversary sales where I came away with a sweater or a pair of shoes or a bag, all of which I still wear. And none of which I would have found if my friend Liz, who worked at Nordstrom, hadn’t spotted them first. And then there was the November I was at Nordstrom to meet Liz for lunch the day before the Black Friday sale started, and I spied a turtleneck that I loved (and still love) and was able to shop early because I had a Nordstrom account.
But eventually my interest in the big overhyped sales waned. I hated the crush of people, I needed nothing, I saw nothing I liked, so I stopped going.
If I had to abandon my shopping ethic of carefully chosen quality pieces that fit with my wardrobe and my style and which I would wear for years in order to get a deal, then what was the point?
I was tempted this year by the half-zip cable sweater above from Everlane. I love a half or a quarter-zip sweater worn with a tee shirt underneath. And it’s a style that I don’t own, except in a sweatshirt. Plus the mark-down was significant.
But, ultimately, all the faff over trying to decide on a size, should I size up or hold to what I think is my “normal” size, if there is such a thing anymore, made me cranky. I read all the details, all the reviews, and still could not make up my mind. And in perusing the photos for all the colours I saw the fit of the sweater in the photo on the right, above, and thought… nope. Besides, did I need another sweater? Nope. Would I be constantly pulling at the front of this one to make it slightly longer? Probably. Would I kick myself when it finally came and I didn’t love it? Undoubtedly. So I closed my computer and read my book instead.
And to help stave off any further Black Friday frenzy from seeping into my consciousness, I had a closet rummage and decided what outfits I would wear to a couple of outings I had this past week.
This is what I wore, below, to meet friends for breakfast on Wednesday. I’ve found I like my cropped, second-hand, Buffalo jeans with my boots. Tucking the front of my Akris burgundy mock-neck sweater, leaving the back longer, makes the proportions of the outfit more balanced. I’m always glad to hit upon an outfit to wear with my Max Mara tweed coat. I tried this unsuccessfully with my big burgundy Marc Jacobs bag. But the black COS bag is more casual and works better with the black boots.
And I wore this outfit, below, on Friday for an outing with my friend Nancy. We were headed to the National Gallery to see an exhibit called Woven Histories: Textiles and Modern Abstraction. I wore my navy COS lightweight merino turtleneck, Max Mara dress pants, vintage Levi’s vest, and Veja sneakers.
In the photo below, you can see the earrings my sister bought me for my birthday from a craftsperson at the Boyce Market in Fredericton. They are made of lapis lazuli wrapped in a tiny piece of scrap metal. I love them.
Then… I pulled on my most favourite winter piece. My bright green Max Mara coat. Bought on an impulse in Montreal in 2022, and never for one second regretted. Just before I left the house I took off the vest because I thought it would be too hot under the coat. It was still November after all. Ha. I was wrong, people. As we strode through the Byward Market to the gallery, the wind whistled through my Max Mara pants, which, to be fair, are summer pants. I wished I had kept on the vest… and worn ski underwear under the pants.
Anyway, Nancy and I strolled the gallery. The exhibit was really interesting. Check out the link here. Then when we’d had enough we decamped to a nearby restaurant for a delicious, quite indulgent lunch. Play always serves delicious and interesting food, I find.
All day while we drove, or wandered, or ate, Nancy and I chatted about this and that. Deep thoughts and discussion alternating with less brain-taxing stuff. I love a good conversation that covers a range of depths. We might be talking about the fate of the world with respect to climate change, or the future of education, and veer into the joys of sudoku, or the flock of merganser ducks on the canal as we drove by, or the trials of finding perfectly fitting pants.
We neither of us wished to be caught up in Black Friday frenzy, so we parked well away from the major shopping areas, and did not even darken the door of a favourite shop of mine as we passed it on the way to lunch. And we talked a lot about politics, consumerism, overconsumption, climate initiatives, and doing what we can to effect change. Good change.
We talked about hope for the future. And if this climate thing can ever be turned around. I kept thinking of all the reasons we have for continuing to consume. For excusing behaviour that we know is ultimately bad for the earth. For explaining away what we as individuals do because we are, after all, just one person, or just one family.
And ultimately we talked about why we continue to recycle our peanut butter jars, or save yarn, or in my case try to convince people that buying fewer clothes is a good thing. Why bother?
Why not throw up our hands and just enjoy life? Stop worrying. Give in to the pressure to consume. Why not buy what we want, or at least what we think we want, and throw it away if we don’t like it anymore?
You know why? Because ultimately throwing up our hands would not feel good. Or right.
I mean, why did we spend all those years teaching kids to do the right thing? All those years explaining how Shakespeare taught us power attained through corrupt means corrupts us. How Wilfred Owen taught us the dangers of blind patriotism. How Margaret Atwood is still teaching us not to take our rights for granted. And Aldous Huxley that a life of mindless consumption spent chasing pleasure and self-indulgence without thought is not really a life at all. Why did we do that if we don’t have the courage of our convictions?
So really, even if we’re only resisting buying a sweater we don’t need, or spending a day finding something to do to stave off Black Friday frenzy, or explaining to friends why we pledged to buy only five new things this year, even if we didn’t quite live up to our pledge, that’s something. That’s not nothing. That’s not throwing up our hands and giving in.
Oh, you’re going to think I’m crazy. But I keep thinking of a line from To Kill a Mockingbird.
An innocent black man has been accused, tried, convicted and is now dead. The accuser attacks two children and is now himself dead. Sheriff Heck Tate can’t change the world. Or even change the people of Maycomb County. But he still tries to do what is right. Hoping that one right will undo at least some of the wrong done: “I may not be much Mr. Finch, but I’m still sheriff of Maycomb County. And Bob Ewell fell on his knife.”
If you know the novel you understand the importance of that line. Heck Tate is adamant that another innocent will not be harmed. Or suffer for his act of heroism. If you haven’t read the novel, you should. It’s not not on the curriculum anymore here in Ontario. But I always loved teaching it.
Anyway. I apologize for waxing dramatic. I know I’m not Heck Tate. Not a sheriff. Nor a politician. Nor someone with a lot of power to change things in a big way. I’m just me, one person. Resisting Black Friday frenzy. Saving a little bit of the earth by not buying one sweater at a time. Ha.
What have you been up to this week, my friends? Successfully resisting Black Friday frenzy?
P.S. The Instagram posts above are from “Commons Earth” which you can find here.
P.P.S. The works I referenced in the post are: Macbeth by William Shakespeare, Dulce et Decorum Est by Wilfred Owen, The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood, and Brave New World by Aldous Huxley.
53 thoughts on “Resisting Black Friday Frenzy: Why Bother?”
I continue to bypass Black Friday, just like the day after Christmas sales. Like you, I cannot stand the crowds. I am trying to buy less, not down to five yet, but have kept to about 10. I like the challenge of putting the great things I already have together into new looks. Blogs are good for inspiration. I have been lucky that my daughter has liked most of my mistakes and takes them out of my closet. Just this weekend she took six interchangeable pieces that I have never worn! What was I thinking when I bought those pieces on sale!!! She already eyeing my favorite coat.
How great to be able to pass on your “mistakes” to your daughter. Hang onto your favourite coat, though. 😉
Confession?
We bought a new car. The most expensive Black Friday of our lives. A hybrid, which makes me happy. To replace a 2009 model vehicle that was our “road car “, despite the fact that after 15 years it just turned over to 100k miles on our way to trade it in. A purchase motivated by my hopes of more together- time on long road trips with my husband after I retire next fall and hastened by my fears about availability and prices of vehicles after our newly elected president enacts tariffs and does whatever else he will do. A purchase resisted by my frugal and in-the-moment husband who, without my insistence would buy a new car until he was sitting on the side of the road. Who dislikes change and can still be nostalgic for ancient technologies. And who hates the posturing and tactics of car transactions
Neither of us were at our best during the week or so that it took to decide if indeed I was going to get my way; if he was willingly acceding to the logic beneath my fears or just avoiding conflict – and we’d only know the difference if he later was resentful. After so many years and experience, we struggled to make this decision differently, knowing that was actually about much more than just a car. I learned unpleasant things about myself that I am still digesting.
A book recommendation – Absolution: A Novel, be Alice McDermott. As a leading protagonist keeps repeating, the biggest temptation is to Look Away. I suppose it is guilty consumption that connects your writing to my thoughts. As always, I appreciate your thoughtful and light approach to our modern dilemmas.
I don’t think you should feel guilty about trading in a 15 year old car, Kristen. I will check out that book rec, thanks. Looking away is too easy, isn’t it?
Black Friday has never been such a thing (in my mind, anyway) here in Australia but this last week my phone has been pinging or my iPad has been screeching about NOT TO BE MISSED SALES! I’m so pleased that I am totally immune to their sales pitches (I guess, unless I had something that I’d
already committed to buying).
Love your coat and always will, love your link to woven textiles at your national gallery, and love your literary references! Thanks
Thanks, Genevieve. 🙂
I would have so enjoyed visiting that fabric exhibition with you . I adore lovely fabrics & really envy the skills of the artists . My problem would be restraining myself from touching the exhibits, it’s such a tactile art . Our highlight of the week was an invitation to the local secondary school’s Christmas Carol concert held in York Minster . I’m not religious in any way but sitting in that massive medieval building , cold & dark outside but filled with glowing light inside , with the organ going full blast & all of us singing along , was very moving . When our neighbour’s fourteen year old daughter stood at the lectern giving her reading she looked so tiny amongst all that magnificence . She was just a little toddler when they moved in next door to us & we couldn’t have better neighbours . We all walked back through the Christmas lights of the city , chatting & laughing & full of Christmas spirit .
Black Friday – what’s that all about ???
Love this. Thank you for sharing the real Spirit of Christmas exhibited in love, community and the majesty of the event.
My friend Nancy had trouble not touching as well. 🙂
What a lovely, lovely way to spend an afternoon, Wendy. York Minster is magnificent. Must have been breathtaking filled with light and song.
Black Friday is now big in the UK – Cyber Monday tomorrow! It perplexes me. I am not a fan and have spent a lot of time editing my FB and Insta feeds over the past few days. And I do think this reaction is an age/experience thing; personally, I have reached Peak Stuff and need nothing. Consumerism is dull and uninspiring, like eating a huge, unending bag of marshmallows – never filled, always hungry. It is, however, the first Sunday in Advent, so I extend greetings to all and will put up the first string of lights in my sitting room. Restraint, perspective, proportion. Rock the coat, Sue, as I do with my fabulous chocolate brown wool coat, swishing through the chilly, wet days.
“Peak stuff”… I love that Annie. 🙂
I do not partake. I shop 2nd hand most of the time anyway. I find the prices are superficially inflated and then reduced to look like a great deal. Well that is how it looks where I live. I do pass on my glass jars to a lady who makes jam in our community. Does it help the world? As you said, it makes me feel a bit better. Your outfits are stylish Sue!
I think you would find that lots of companies raise their prices before cutting them. Good job finding a new home for your glass jars. Do you get a couple of them back filled with jam?
Sometimes. 🙂
The whole Black Friday phenomenon still feels pretty recent to me in Canada. I looked it up, and apparently Canadian retailers started to introduce it in 2008 or 2009 in response to so many Canadians crossing the border to shop in the U.S.
I’ve never gone in person to a Black Friday sale — I hate crowds! — but have sometimes taken advantage of online sales. In recent years, even those have not tempted me unless there’s a good deal on something I was already intending to purchase as a Christmas gift. Almost all of the promotional emails flooding into my inbox are deleted without being opened.
I remember back in about 2014 or so I was shopping and saw signs for Black Friday. I asked a young sales girl what it was all about. Said that Black Friday was an American thing, and must be very recently imported here. She replied that “Oh, no. We’ve always had Black Friday.” Turns out that meant as long as she’d been working. Probable about ten minutes. Ha.
I recently watched the documentary “Buy Now” and while some of it was not news to me, it was interesting to see some of the industry leaders turning on the selling process. This year I found myself puzzled when perusing the incessant ads. Was I supposed to want or need this stuff? Most of it is clearly headed for the landfill as soon as the giftgivers leave town!
Thank you so much for the third pic of that Everlane sweater. It saved me from my fantasy as well. Last and not least, I would kill for that green coat. The lines and color are fabulous on you and would be my perfect wardrobe addition! Thank you for your much appreciated posts!
That documentary is on my list of things to watch. I hear it is eye-opening.
P.S. I keep liking my green coat better and better each year. And here I was fearing that it had been a mistake.
Not a big shopper at the best of times ( have bought slightly more than five pieces this year to fill gaps, but in each of the last six or so years was largely under five..) so in agreement, but I did wonder how you were going to to get the Everlane sweater anyway with the Canada Post strike and all other delivery carriers apparently overwhelmed at the moment as a result. 🙂
I’m a member of the NG so feeling silly that I haven’t gone to the textiles exhibition. Thanks for raising.
God only knows when the sweater would have been delivered. By then I would be well and truly regretting my purchase. Ha.
Though generally a frugal shopper, I have not participated in black Friday sales. And, now, in my retired life, there isn’t really anything that I need, or even want. Years ago, as a young professional, I would generally buy two suits, and often blouses to coordinate, each year, one in fall and one in spring, as I built my work wardrobe. Most of those are now gone, but I still use the leather bags that I bought during those years, often Coach bags, which I had saved for months to purchase. I don’t think that I have ever been impressed by the so-called luxury brands, in fact, I would be somewhat embarrassed to be wearing them. In this phase of life, I feel it is easy for me to be conscious of purchases and appropriately restrict myself. And even if my younger years, I attempted to buy the best quality clothes that I could afford, and, in general, I believe that clothes overall were of better quality then. Perhaps that is part of the reason why I still have, and wear, coats and jackets that are 30-40 years old.
Yesterday, for small business Saturday, a friend and I went to a small town and perused the locally owned shops, not buying anything, having lunch, and later coffee and dessert. It was cold, with off-and-on snow flurries, which, for me, kind of set a holiday mood.
That sounds like a great day, Nancy. 🙂
I do take advantage of Black Friday (online) sales by waiting for them if possible to restock necessary items. My husband was in need of new socks, shorts, jeans and a white shirt so why not take advantage. Of course if it were up to him he would be fine with holey socks, threadbare jeans and a less than bright white shirt but I think worn clothes are unattractive and aging on older folks. I donate any dignity-condition clothing of his to a men’s shelter and carefully research where to recycle usable textiles like denim and cashmere. Online searches will turn up programs that often email prepaid labels.
Thank you for encouraging us to buy less! I grew up with a mother who was raised in poverty after her father died at a young age. She taught me the importance looking after my clothing in order to appear one’s best and to make clothes last.
What a great way to pass on your clothes, or your husband’s clothes. Especially the places which recycle reusable textiles. I must look for any similar organizations around here.
Another Black Friday avoider here! It’s invaded Portugal, of course, with many retailers expanding to a whole Black Week.
While I too didn’t have complete success with 5 Things, I have to say it really changed my POV on shopping, and I definitely bought much less than previous years. I’ll comment more when you do your rundown, but it’s been a valuable lesson for me, and my closet is being shopped on the regular now.
Envious of your NG experience – that looks right up my alley. Thanks for sharing it with us.
I’m kind of excited to do my end of year analysis. It’s been fun this year learning to resist. 🙂
Another wonderful post that I agree with completly. I have deleted all the emails that proclaim I need it all. I too am adverse to crowds and have not been to any actual stores, so have not been tempted by those ‘ never been so low’ sales. I really don’t need anything and when I do I will take time to check out the options, not rush before someone else snatches it from my hot hands.
I had the need for some loose pj pants for after surgery in a couple weeks, so just checked out thrift and found 3 pair, two of which are brand new and under $5 so now I am finished and ending up not adding to my 5 new items for the year. Thank you so much for sharing this challenge with us this year, and making me think seriously about what I really need. I will continue with it next year again.
Good luck with your surgery, Diane. And congrats on your pyjama pant finds!
This post totally resonates with me! I avoid Black Friday sales in the same way that I’ve always avoided Boxing Day sales. This year we’ve also cut way back on Christmas shopping, buying family gifts instead of individual ones for our kids and grandkids.
Us too, Elaine. I now find it odd to see photos of Christmas trees piled almost to the top with gifts. Ickk.
Most of my shopping is online but I buy far less these days. You are a good influence. The Black Friday emails are very annoying but I put them to good use and unsubscribe to those companies. Less temptation in the future – that’s my reasoning.
Love that, Sue. The email reminding you to unsubscribe. Very ironic. 🙂
Like JB, I used this weekend’s sales to restock clothes I needed, from my updated fall shopping list. I found socks, long-sleeved t-shirts and shoes at around half off. Did I need another pair of Frame jeans? Um, no, but they were at a charity shop at one tenth the price….
Those Frame jeans were a find, Annie. 🙂
I’m with you on the Black Friday front. The advertising alone would put me off buying anything. They seem to stretch it out for nearly two weeks here and I’m sure it is purely to clear old stock that nobody has bought throughout the year. Perhaps I am being cynical.
Although not exactly following your policy of only buying five things over the year, I have bought very little this year. I’ve looked, pondered, then decided against most items. Mainly because I don’t need them or they don’t suit my much more casual lifestyle these days.
I envy your gallery visit. My DIL was my companion to such places and they have moved to Australia. We used to enjoy a morning of wandering through the newest exhibits and then enjoy lunch together.
I think the “Rule of Five” might be adjusted to whatever you can manage. It’s the effort that counts.
It seems that all the Black Friday fans are too busy shopping and are not here!
I don’t like big crowds as well and my cup of tea is more your exibition+ lunch or Wendy’s concert. Thinking about things I need, or like a lot, is a lovely process and it takes time for me,not BF frenzy. So,no,I didn’t shop and would not shop( just to say-I’m not arrogant,if I buy more expensive cosmetics,I would always wait when the shop has some kind of discount during the year)
Though,buying something like a new washing machine (or a car) or something similar, if one needs it, and finds exactly what one wants, is a good idea
I was yesterday (Saturday)even in a shopping centre caffe (it was oppening of Advent Fair and the centre of the city was complete madness), meeting with a friend for a cup of hot chocolate,a little bit afraid if I could find a parking space-it was almost like a regular Saturday,no crowds at all
It is always a pleasure to see your green coat!
Dottoressa
Too true, Dottoressa. Plus, I imagine that any pro-Black Friday readers would be put off by my title and click away.
I’m glad I’m in good company avoiding Black Friday sales. It seems almost everyone in this community is on the same page. Historically, I hate the crowds, the comercial8sm of a religious holiday and come away angry in a very unpleasant mood with items I am not exactly happy I bought.
On Sunday, I did buy three new bras that were much needed and put me over my limit of 5 items. They were on sale and a dire need. I have absolutely no guilt about the purchase. The rule of five is going to be a guideline next year and has certainly raised my consciousness about my consumption.
Underwear and socks and other “intimate apparel” don’t count in your five things, Kat. 🙂
Well a Catholic raised in perpetual rule guilt feels guilty about going over 5 items. Y
Thank you for absolving me of that emotion. If I had referenced the rules closer I would have bought the bras sooner but I did great a great deal.
I hear you about the guilt, Kat. 🙂
For some reason, I mistakenly landed on your November 9th writing and thoroughly enjoyed it…again. Your sentiments and those of your readers echo my own. And, as one of your readers stated, I have resolved to be kinder and smile more as we face this next presidency.
Thank you for this post, too, Sue My closet is in disarray as I’ve not done the summer-to-fall-to-winter switch! Two seasons where I’ve stumbled along, amidst disorganized piles, disheveled shelves, etc. My excuse is life events that include the care of an elderly 97 year old mother who has declined rapidly. I know you understand this. This week, my sister and I prepare to move her to a Memory Care facility.
Alas, I did add to my closet despite the disorganization and totally blew the Rule of Five. I’m sure when I finally tackle my closet, I will eliminate more than I purchased.
This Holiday Season will be a poignant one for our family. I am looking forward to a more quiet season and, hopefully, new year, even with the gloom of the new presidential term hanging over our heads.
Thanks, again, for your eloquence and that of your community. Let us soldier on…
Oh, I do understand about your aging mum, Charlene. That is a very hard thing. Hopefully next year will be gentler on you and your family. 🙂
🤗❤️🤗
Sue,
You saved me from myself. I read this post and then closed a window on a “good value” retailer where I’d picked out two sale items. Two items to fill stockings that added up to twice as much as what I thought I’d spend on the total items bought. Truly, yours was the voice I needed to hear.
Planning makes such a difference! I have a small list of clothing items I’d like, and I check on their prices about once a month. If the price goes down substantially I’ll buy them.
Glad to be of service. 🙂
Oh, how your quote from To Kill A Mockingbird resonates! Have lost count of the many readings of that book… always soothes the soul and lifts the spirit, doesn’t it, Sue?
It definitely does. I love that book.
That exhibit looks great. I really enjoy textile-related art.
Good for you for choosing to resist Black Friday. You have worked hard at your plan to buy less this year.
I did not resist Black Friday, but I knew that I would purchase some things. My son and I got new phones (our old phones needed an upgrade and we wanted to take advantage of a couple of deals being offered). We did go to the store for that. Missed the crowds by going in the late afternoon.
I also made some purchases online for Christmas gifts and a few things for myself. I will be returning a couple of things I ordered. I’ll go midday during the week to avoid the crowds. This is the first Christmas season that I am retired and it seems easy to get around, since I don’t have to shop when everyone else is doing it. I am looking at every purchase with consideration about keeping it for years to come. Do I love it? If not, I bring it back.
As I pulled out my cold weather clothing, I gave it the same assessment. Six bags of old clothes that are still in good condition were donated and hopefully someone will enjoy them. I’m looking forward to wearing favorite sweaters, scarves and boots now that the cold weather has set in. There are some old favorites that I don’t seem to tire of.
Both of your coats are so beautiful. I admired them last winter too. You have made some great picks over the years!
Six bags of clothing to donate. That is some clear-out, Dottie. 🙂
“Most” favourite? Sue!!
Doesn’t matter how many times I edit, I always miss something. 🙂
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