A few years ago when I was having lunch with a friend, she related a conversation she’d recently had with a mutual acquaintance. She said, laughing, that she’d asked this other woman what was new in her life. The woman had sighed, rolled her eyes in despair and said, “My neck went.” My friend thought this was hilarious. “Really,” she said, “What a silly thing to worry about.”
I chuckled a bit unconvincingly at her story. “Yeah… silly,” I replied, as I surreptitiously glanced in the mirrored window of the restaurant to check the state of my own neck. It hadn’t yet gone, but it was heading that way, I thought. Great. Another silly thing to add to the list of silly things about which I already worried.
This is all to say that, when I was getting dressed yesterday, I glanced in the full length mirror of our bedroom and noticed that my gluteus maximus appears to have gone south. “Holy hell, when did that happen?” I muttered.
“So what’s new with me this week?” my friend might ask. Sigh. Eye roll of despair. “My butt went.”
In all honesty, my trusty butt, which has never let me down before, has probably been heading south ever since I retired. I just never noticed. It probably started when I stopped running for exercise. Not to mention all the running up and downstairs I did at work, up and down four sets of stairs to the office and four sets back several times a day. Plus Hubby and I have not been hiking like we used to, hiking hills is great for one’s gluteus maximus. And let’s not forget all the sitting on my butt that I do now, what with reading, and writing this blog, followed by more reading.
So, although I still do a fair amount of cardio each week, it’s all walking, or pedalling my exercise bike, or cycling. Good for one’s overall fitness, but not necessarily great for one’s gluteus maximus. Especially since a lot of the exercise involves sitting on my gluteus maximus. Ha.
Of course yesterday’s observation did nothing for my mood. Or my confidence.
I was feeling pretty dreadful already and my attempts to muster enthusiasm and energy to take some blog photos only made me feel worse.
I’ve been under the weather for a few days now. No, not Covid. Just generally headachey and lethargic, accompanied by my usual recurring stomach issues. I’ve had IBS for years. My low FODMAP diet helps. Eating almost no gluten anymore really helps. But occasionally symptoms crop up again. And when they do, I feel bloated, and generally ickky. Not really sick, but not well either.
And trust me, that is NOT a good time to try to take blog photos. Everything I tried on looked terrible. Too tight around the middle. And too baggy in the butt. I was pale; my hair wouldn’t do what I wanted it to do; I couldn’t muster a decent smile.
And what the heck was I thinking putting on a white shirt?
Anyway… I wanted to take photos yesterday to show you my new shoes.
I’ve been looking for Mary Jane-style flats for a while now. Saving photos to my Pinterest board for styling ideas. Looking to see how other women wore them with items that are similar to the pieces I already own. I’ve been shopping three times. Tried on numerous pairs. And finally found a pair I love. And which suit my narrow, hard-to-fit foot. They’re from Stuart Weitzman. No surprise there. Stuart Weitzman shoes and boots have always suited me, despite being quite pricey. I will say, though, that my black patent Stuart Weitzman loafers are still going strong and they’re ten years old.
And, yes, you are correct. With this purchase I have now reached my “Rule of Five Challenge” limit of five new pieces.
But I’m glad I let myself indulge a bit. That new shoe feeling… well… feels really good.
And with respect to my southward descending gluteus maximus… I added a glute workout to my exercise routine this morning. I feel better already if only because I’m doing something about my butt. Not just sitting on it. Ha.
I’d better explain that sunflower photo from 1999 before I close. I was thinking this morning of how long it had been since I last owned a pair of Mary Jane shoes. Twenty-five years to be exact. I bought a pair of square-toed, high-heeled Mary Jane shoes back in the summer of 1999. The summer Hubby and I drove with our tent-trailer out west.
We stopped in numerous parks in Ontario. Fished. Hiked. Swam. And ate amazingly huge truck-stop breakfasts along the way. We stayed in Winnipeg for a week with my brother Alan and his wife Jane. That sunflower field photo was taken by Jane. We had a wonderful summer holiday that year.
And when we came home I started my new job as department head at John McCrae Secondary School.
So, 1999 was a banner year. New job. New challenges. Exciting times. I was still a redhead. Not natural, of course. And my gluteus maximus was pretty darned fine, if I do say so myself.
Now it’s your turn, my friends. What silly things do you worry about? Necks, butts, bad hair? I mean, I do my best to shrug off the aging process. Some days I’m perfectly content. Other days, I’m in the depths of despair, as Anne with an “e” always said. How about you? Do let us know your secrets. We won’t tell. Our lips are sealed.
70 thoughts on “When Your Gluteus Maximus Goes South”
Oh my gosh- perhaps it’s the full moon but we are in synchrony. (Only I think I found your butt). This week I looked at my body and could not understand where the large derrière and tummy pooch came from. What happened? How did it happen? For the first time in my nearly 68 years , I felt like my body was morphing into the older lady look, in ways that my customary exercise would not affect. And it even coincided with an autoimmune flare- so I think I’m in some kind of transition. No doubt I’ll embrace the future healthfully, but something ….has changed.
I hear you about the bump in the rear being transplanted to a big bump in the front. Sigh. 🙁
There are all kinds of things I could mention but why? It’s all part of what happens as we keep moving around the sun. No one at 67 looks like they did at 27 or 17. I am Ok with that. I can still have nice clothes. I do have nice jewelry. I feel fine though with less energy than once upon a time. I would not trade now with 27 or 17.
Sorry you are not feeling well. That does make everything seem worse. But your white shirt and cute Mary Janes are not letting you down. You look great even if you don’t feel so well.
Thanks, Mary. I guess I like the occasional community moan. Not that it does any good except to make us feel less alone. 🙂
Cute shoes!
Thanks, Lise. 🙂
I’m missing my long eyelashes . When I was young they were so long that people would ask if they were fake but just the other day I found it quite difficult to apply my mascara & realised the problem . The right eye , not so bad but the left eye , oh dear . I can’t be fiddling with false lashes or extensions . I hate any beauty ‘fuss’ . I don’t do facials , massages or manicures . I once had a manicure before attending a wedding & was SO bored . Friends tell me I’m weird as it’s very relaxing but I’d rather be gardening or reading . So it’s just something else to come to terms with…… But , mustn’t grumble or as one of my fellow dog walkers says ‘ at least we’re still above ground ‘ . He’s right .
Nice shoes .
I get the occasional pedicure. And yes it can be boring. But… then again… gardening can be… well, I won’t say it. Ha. Thank goodness for audio book, I say. 🙂
I hadn’t noticed anything about my eyelashes. I’m still focussing on my hairy face that I didn’t even notice until a reader pointed it out. 🙁
I groan with pain from a dodgy right ankle, a dodgy right glute, a dodgy right knee. My TENS machine is a far better friend than my hairdresser and at 73 I’m disappointed that I look so blah in every photo!
Still, I can move, I’m back to classical ballet class after 3 months recuperation from two major bowel ops. The terrier and I walk twice a day in a sprightly manner despite that we’re both aged. So really I suppose – life’s good. I’m still here and that’s a blessing!
Love that white shirt. Send it my way!!!
Wow… ballet classes. I’m impressed, Prue.
My brothers and I have inherited the turkey neck from our father’s side of the family, direct line. It appears in the 50s and you might as well try to turn back time because nothing stops it. Used to irritate me, now not so much. This week they were staying with me. The three of us and our mutual neck.
Always nice to not be alone in one’s predicament. Ha. Besides the neck… I hope things are okay with you, Annie.
Always making me think, Sue.
I have felt my age more this year than any other. I’m seventy-five. I’m striving to keep a personal mantra of “stay current” and as fit as I can while accepting my aging. Earlier in the year, a sprained knee set me back a bit and slowed down my “getup and go”. Thankfully, no surgery was needed.
I need to focus on that “thankfulness” and get back to “aging with grace and confidence”. Thanks for the poke in the ribs to get back to business and get moving again!
P/S. Yes, my body parts have drifted south and my profile has definitely changed. As mentioned in an earlier comment, at least my profile is still upright!
I find it helps to look at really bad old photos so I can stop romanticizing how I looked back in the day. Helps immensely. Ha.
Hahahaha…😂
Hi Sue, sorry you’re not feeling up to par. I too have IBS and I’ve tried various food plans but it chooses how to behave, not me. I will be celebrating 85 glorious years soon and although I am told I look 75, I’m not…..I am going to be 85. It doesn’t depress me it just makes me want to make the most of my days. I love fashion and although I applaud your rule of 5, I’m still purchasing small items here and there, just not buying things that will last 10 years……..why bother. HAHA
BTW I just read Kare Quinn’s new book, Briar House. Wow! Such wonderful characters. I loved them all
As far as feeling lethargic and just “off”, I think as we age, we just get like that sometimes; I know I do, but then you do whatever makes you feel better, be it rest or an activity, and I find it gradually passes. Keep positive. Love the sunflower pic.
I seem to have these energy dips and days of feeling not quite ill, but not quite well every once in a while. It’s just that years ago I put them down to stress, my period, or being busy at work. Now I’m wondering if they’ve always just been part of my nature.
I worry about my bones. I’ve always been active and yet at 59 I was diagnosed with severe osteoperosis. In looking for whatever will stop additional bone loss, kefir is the latest addition to my diet. I wondered if you’ve tried it for the gut issues? It’s low in lactose & has lots of good bacteria to help gut health too. Oh, and I noticed the cute shoes right away. I love them!
I hear you, Linda. I worry about that too. Good to focus on what we can do to minimize damage, I think.
Well, butt wise, I have craters in my butt cheeks ever since exercising at a gym years ago with a trainer! Go figure! My butt looked good until I lost 14 lbs. by attending the gym 5 days a week, doing cardio on the treadmill and floor exercises! My husband said, ” what happened to your butt? I blame your trainer!” end of quote. lol. Now, I just worry about all the weight I gained and cannot seem to lose, and the hair I’ve lost on the top of my head and in the crown. The hairdresser says it is like male pattern baldness. Yikes! I guess this happens with age, I am now 75!
It’s always something, eh?
First, I adore the white blouse and you look lovely in it. The shoes are great and I am sure you will not be at all regretful using your number 5 to purchase them. As for the traveling southward, little jowls are showing up but not as disturbing as the slouching skin on my back. I love to wear slim, not tight, sweaters but things have to change oftentimes when I check out the rear view. Regarding the IBS, I really hate how it has control over where I am going and when some days. Otherwise, I can still feel 45 until I look in the mirror. Ha. I will be 69 in a week and plan on being around for quite a few more years so cannot let my skin dictate how I feel about myself, just do the best I can.
Most days I’m with you on not letting my looks dictate my mood. But then there are those other days. It seems that I am not as in love with that white blouse as I thought. If it were a bright white instead of being almost beige, I think it would look better on me.
Love your new shoes. I identify with the worries about hair, neck, etc. Time for my morning walk!
Walking off the worries works for me too, Linda.
Dear Sue, wonderful post, still giggling. Lost my behind pushing out my first baby. My daughter calls it Mom butt! Have done leg lifts and plies for years trying to get it back, to no avail. Unfortunately now my tummy looks like it should be on my backside! Oh, and my neck, too many years with my head in a book! Aging is not for the faint hearted. I keep praying for more years of life and good health in mind and body. Love the shoes, may have to find a pair for me.
I’m the same, Heather! If I could just swivel the front around back, I’d be good. Ha.
I have lost 82 pounds over the last 4.5 years. My joints and A1C thank me – but I have no butt any more. At 65, for the first time ever, my rear is flat which was something I had to grapple with when I first realized it. I’m ok with it now as I would rather be where I’m at in life than not.
Like my husband always says to me, Susan… cost and reward. Seems like your reward for your hard work was worth the cost of a butt. 🙂
At 75 I am in complete agreement with your goal of buying just 5 new things each year. The problem is, as you noted, our changing bodies. I’ve acquired love handles, wider hips and a smaller butt besides walking hills, swimming or working out with weights 30-45 minutes six days a week. The exercise is crucial for my osteoporosis and I know I’m lucky to be able to do it! But the redistribution of flesh on my body means sometimes new clothes are needed. I’m tall and it’s difficult to find sufficiently long pants and dresses in thrift stores.
When it’s necessary to buy new I now look for 100% fabric content, which is more easily recyclable when the fabric reaches the end of its life span: 100% cotton, 100% polyester, 100% wool, etc.
Love your blog and your philosophy!
Ah, yes, the redistribution of flesh. Like the economic trickle down theory, but with one’s butt. Ha.
When I tried on a couple of older dresses the other day and realized that I could no longer zip them up, I was a wee bit disturbed, but then I was complimented yesterday by a much younger woman who was astonished to discover that I’m 71. “You’re in such good shape!” she exclaimed. She didn’t say “for your age”, but I know that’s what she meant. Of course, she couldn’t see my insides! Eleven years into a chronic cancer diagnosis, I’m very thankful to be in the shape I’m in! Now I just need to do a more thorough closet cull and get rid of those dresses that no longer fit.
You always have such a good attitude, Elaine. 🙂
I appreciate your post. In my opinion, the butt going south is another strong argument for dressing your body as it is rather than following trends. At 5’10”, skinny jeans are my best friend. I have tried them all, cargo pants, boyfriend and girlfriend jeans, wide leg trousers, joggers, etc. Any of those make my butt disappear. I buy these styles, look in the rear, and go right back to my skinny jeans.
You are wise. I’ve kept my skinny jeans too. Some I wear when we travel because they are so comfortable, some with my high winter boots. And there are definitely some styles which make my butt disappear too. Hard to find one style that works for everything.
For me it’s my skin. Sometime this year it all turned to crepe paper. I’m slathering on anti-crepe creams, they help some. I try to remind myself that at 65 you just have to expect to have old lady attributes, but then I catch sight of my arms…
We can’t expect miracles in a jar, I know. But I live in hope. Ha.
Heading into my seventieth year on Tuesday and yes lots has changed since I retired four years ago. Also had an active job ( TOH is a big place) mostly used stairs and walked to and from work. Retirement alas…saw me turn into a couch potato of the first order! Covid years didn’t help either… last year husband’s A1C gave cause to re evaluate our lifestyle and we started walking and watching our food intake which helped…until I had knee surgery this year and on crutches for six weeks. Not walking and eating more of what we shouldn’t eat has lead to a flabby belly and droopy Gluteus Maximus, Medius and Minimus ( it takes three muscles to make a strong derrière) now that I’m healing going to start moving and lifting those weights again.
Anyway it’s a beautiful, sunny day by the sea in PEI, never been a big fan of Anne although I own a small piece of her Island, but I think she would agree that any day you wake up on the green side of the grass is a good one. No butts about it.
Yes, I knew that about the three derrière muscles. It’s just that “My gluteus maximus, medius, and minimus didn’t sound as catchy. Ha. Enjoy the last of summer in beautiful P.E.I. 🙂
I love,love your new shoes!
Does anything look as it was?
I try not to look in the mirror a lot at the moment!
Dottoressa
Nothing stays the same… you are so right. But sometimes it’s hard to be grateful. So I avoid the mirror on those days. 🙂
I now understand what Nora Ephron used to state in interviews and then wrote in a best selling book, ” I Feel Bad About My Neck ” in regards to her aging neck ( as well as other body parts ).
…and yes, turtlenecks, polonecks, rollnecks ( whatever you like to call them ) do become a dear, dear friend and valuable ally 😀
I live in a hot climate, so unfortunately my neck has nowhere to hide.
Turtleneck season is my favourite season!
I wear them up until late Spring-early Summer !
The new shoes are adorable and look so current. I had a black pair of Mary Jane’s in elementary school that I was very fond of; however, saddle shoes were my all time favorite. Saddle shoes, a crisp white blouse, and a plaid skirt…..the stuff of my 8 year old dreams. Sorry, to hear you haven’t felt well. I have a GI health problem and have been on anti acids for a while. I have been indulging like they were M&M’s. That makes me feel old, tired and depressed. The bloating is especially difficult to deall with as nothing fits correctly. I mourn the loss of my youth but then get a grip and am grateful for what time has given me. I wish I had my hearing back especially as I detest wearing bilateral hearing aids.
I wouldn’t mind being able to silence the tinnitus I now have. Perhaps my new Mary Janes will help. I never wore them as a kid because the only dress shoe that fit my long skinny foot was a T-strap style.
Lots of things I could mention but the one thing I consistently find annoying are my thinning eyebrows. And why are the remaining ones now growing at odd angles! UGH.
Your white shirt and cute Mary Janes are both perfect. And you look great even if you’re not feeling 100%.
Suz from Vancouver
That is hilarious Suz! I was thinking the same thing about my eyebrows. One is perfectly fine but the other seems to be missing the middle and the ones that are there seem to grow at odd angles. what? Why?
Those rogue hairs are amazing aren’t they?
I had this issue too and have found that eyebrow serum actually made them grow back.
Love your new shoes. Mine are similar but have a small heel and are Capezios. Comfy!
I worry about my eyebrows (disappearing) but feel happy in spite of them with 5 lbs less on my scale since my trip touring the hills of Greece and continuing 5 miles a day.
Good for you, Eva. Walking hills is the best isn’t it? And in such a beautiful country… must have been amazing.
Sorry to hear you are feeling “orf” as a dear friend used to describe a general feeling of being unwell. Hope you feel better soon.
After three major spinal surgeries and trying to avoid a fourth I have quite a few body parts that don’t work properly or have managed to slide very far south. Genetics haven’t helped either as I have inherited my father’s Celtic skin which doesn’t much like sunshine and instead of bags under the eyes I have cabin trunks!
But as the saying goes – each day is a gift which is why we call it the present. As long as my mind doesn’t move south I’m happy.
I remember Wendy from York using the word “lurgy” one day. Love that word. Like feeling “orf”, I believe.
Love today’s post. I laughed so hard when something occurred to me. My sister, who is six years younger than me, was complaining that her neck went. She remarked that my neck was so smooth and tight in comparison. I got thinking about this a little later, and was surprised because we are so much alike, we are often mistaken for each other. Aha, then what occurred to me, was that a few years ago, I had a spot on my right cheek which turned out to be melanoma. The first surgery required a graft, taken from my clavicle, which when stitched up, tightened up my left jaw line quite nicely. One year later, I had reconstruction surgery on the same spot, and this time a flap of skin was stretched up from under my right jaw, tightening up the right side of my neck. Almost two years later, the scars are almost completely gone. My dilemma is, should I tell my sister why my neck looks so good? Haha! It also occurred to me that some good comes out of everything, no matter how challenging.
PS: I don’t particularly like my gluteus maximus either, but am thankful that it’s behind me where I can’t see it. And I love your new shoes!
so good
Sounds like a fair, and unexpected, reward from a difficult situation. Maybe if you tell your sister she won’t be envious. 🙂
Hi Sue,
Yeah, I definitely have those moments too. Sorry you’re not feeling great.
I know you weren’t fishing but I do need to compliment you on that one shot from the photo-shoot attempt…I think you look beautiful!
Ah, thanks, Genevieve. 🙂
Hi Sue,
I’m still laughing!!! I never DID have a butt – ever! So I’m used to this ‘situation’. I DO miss eyebrows – very patchy! Have to brush on artful replicas🤪. Hair seems to require much more intervention with product to give it the look of ‘more’. And teeth! Well, mine are pretty good but one front one looks ‘too white’ compared to all others. It’s weird looking. My dentist (very skilled) says that he can ‘tone it down’. Whatever it takes!! Keep your sense of humour and the best health you can muster…those are the most important!
Sense of humour is vital, isn’t it?
If you want your vanities reordered in a hurry have your face sliced open from the tear duct to the corner of your mouth. I had a tiny “appearing” cancer beside my nose. Before they were done cutting it out that was the size of the incision required to close. I had a plastic surgeon at a different facility do the close and you cant tell a thing unless I point it out. Waiting to see how well it would heal was very stressful.
I can imagine that was really stressful, Deborah.
I don’t think that I’ve yet met a woman of a “certain age” who doesn’t suffer some IBS symptoms. I’ve been vegetarian and GF for years and now I’m borderline vegan! In an attempt to get rid of the bloating. As for my buttocks… FYI ladies hill climbing doesn’t work, although I do have “pulsating” thighs. I have listened to many audio books (Kristen Hannah, fabulous!) but alas, buttocks refuse to materialise
I’ve been battling gut issues for decades. It was only in my late thirties that the doctor spoke about IBS. Selective elimination of certain obvious things worked for years until a year or so ago when the bloating was very bad and I made a more concerted effort. The Fodmap diet works for me. And eliminating bread and baked goods with gluten was a game changer. Not surprisingly, since I’ve heard lots of reports of this from others, the bread in Europe doesn’t bother me at all. One more argument for travel. Ha.
since i started doing weights my gluteus maximus could take your eye out but my stomach is definitely carrying a truck load full of spare tires. no amount of sit ups help.. i believe there is a six pack under there but no one can see it!
I did an excess of sit ups and crunches for years to not much avail. I remember my husband saying that if anyone deserved to have a flat stomach I did. Ha. But the only way to get a six pack, I’m told, is to drastically reduce body fat. I keep thinking if I couldn’t have flat abs at thirty when I ran, did lots of gym work, and weighed 130 Lbs, I might as well stop thinking about it. Just do my best to stay fit and then go read my book. 🙂
Ah, it’s great to share our aging frustrations. This is the year (at 71) that I noticed my skin is officially crepey. It shocked me for some reason. Nothing to be done about it, really. I was on the floor at yoga class, looked at one of my arms as we did Thread the Needle and thought, “When did my skin get all loose?” I remember seeing old ladies with skin like that. 🙁
I do love your shoes! Always an uplifting shopping experience to find a great pair of shoes!
It pays to wear full length leggings and a long sleeve tee, I find. Ha.
Hi Sue
Just wanted to say very late in the day that I read this a couple of weeks ago (when I began to seriously wobble outside when walking) and felt, oh wow, I’m not alone in struggling with the concept of ageing. I am much older than you(78) and only now coming to the realisation that things are not what they used to be as I also have to deal with the reality of – just things. Ok I was lucky to be so well for so long, but now I realise I have to deal with this ageing malarkey, big time. Anyway, I have grasped the nettle and am pro-actively working on it. I also wrote about it and mentioned you – hope you got some looking at your great blogs.
Keep on keeping on though.
Comments are closed.